Enjoy Your Movie Seat!

Each time I shifted in my seat, I smelled something sour. I tried to dismiss it as a run-of-the-mill other-people-sweat smell but eventually had to admit it was urine. Was it on my shoes? On the coat of the guy seated in front of me? The woman two seats over? I sniffed my arm, my[…]

Bring it on, Sandy. We’ve Got Hot Dogs.

Of course I panicked a little late about this hurricane, so by the time Silas and I made it to Target yesterday all the good stuff was gone. The store appeared stocked, but a closer look revealed that the bottled water left on the shelves was sparkling and the batteries were all AAAs, and I’m not really concerned about the ability of Arlo’s electronic piggy bank to deliver its best snort throughout the storm. But I also couldn’t leave empty-handed.

PAT (People Against Testosterone)

“MEN!  Are you over 40 and lacking the energy you had in your teens? It’s because you have depleted levels of testosterone! All you need is MORE TESTOSTERONE and our medication will trick your body into making more of that magical youth serum so you can start feeling like your virile self again! 50 is the new[…]

This Toy Maker is out to Save the World

As I understand it, two things can happen this year: The world ends (Mayan prophecy), or everything continues as normal (everyone else’s prophecy). Not a lot of grey area there, but those appear to be the two situations. Keep in mind that I get all my news from magazines at pharmacies. Seems like given those[…]

Day 347: Running of the Reindeer

Why are there reindeer in my town? I don’t need to see an actual reindeer to feel Christmasy. I especially don’t need to see four of them chillin’ on the grassy knoll across the street from the fro-yo shop. No one wants to be reminded that reindeer are real – that instead of sweet little[…]

Day 342: An Uneducated History of Christmas

We never hear anything about the toddler Jesus. I’ve never read The Bible, so maybe I’m totally wrong. We hear stuff about the baby Jesus and his manger and animals and frankincense,  but from 1 week old to 20 something, the apostles didn’t have much to say about the savior. The supposed son of God wasn’t born looking[…]

Day 324: The 3 Wise Men

I’m guessing it was a long ride to see the baby Jesus that morning. Steve (Wise man 1) You guys have any suggestions where we might find myrrh at this hour? Gary (Wise man 2) No idea. I think gold and frankincense are plenty, no? Robbie (Wise man 3) We have to have myrrh. I’m not kidding, guys. Garry[…]