What’s Illuminated When The Lights Go Out

It’s either day 6 or 7. I can’t remember. After a while, the days without routine and electricity blend together into a foggy-headed smoothie that tastes like the middle of Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir” sounds. We’re all walking around with grim heavy-metal faces, but all feel confused and awkward, like maybe we accidentally ate some Percocet dusted catnip.

Day 279: The Stand-up Drug

Thinking in terms of achievement and legitimacy, instead of creativity and growth, earns any “artist” a one-way ticket on the bitter bus to Hacktown. Lately, I’ve wanted to be booked on shows for approval and acceptance, rather than the opportunity to perform. I’ve taken it as a sign to perhaps accept stand-up’s persistent pleas to change its[…]

Day 275: The Problem With Relaxation

Everyone needs to relax, right? We’re all going to die of cancer, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, polio, yellow fever, you name it, and stress will cause it. (A few others I thought of are arthritis, depression, constipation, pernicious anemia, and black death.) There are a lot of methods out there to help you relax. Here[…]

Day 268: Just Stop Chewing.

We can’t offer Arlo (nearly 2) anything to eat if he already has food in his mouth. If he likes the new offer better than what he’s chewing, he simply opens up and lets everything ooze out. Sometimes it’s a whole cashew, but more frequently, it’s a semi-mysterious starchy wad of something cheesy. The wad[…]

Day 258: How To Live

Diet, Food and Weight Eat fewer calories than you burn. Donut calories are harder to burn than lettuce calories. So, if you want to eat donuts, you’ll have to exercise a lot more, or eat fewer donuts. YOU KNOW THAT! It’s just math. If you’re really hungry and you don’t eat, you will probably lose weight. If[…]

Day 223: Call in Sick

My friend Jeremy has a great policy: If you’re going to call in sick to work, make it something your boss will be too scared or embarrassed to question. He has used “I have to get my lung drained” on multiple occasions. The response is usually, “Oh God, take as much time as you need.” BINGO. Here are some[…]

Day 149: For Your Inspiration

Reminiscing about Anthony Robbins led me to make my own list of little inspirational sayings. I hope they bring you the peace and serenity they’ve brought me. 1. Go ahead, be the blind squirrel that finds the nut – This is great if you’re feeling unmotivated and incapable, but still feel like you deserve stuff. I’m[…]

Day 148: Do your move

7 years ago, I went to the Anthony Robbins workshop “Unleash the Power Within.” It was fun to feel like part of a cult for a whole weekend. The effects of his drug-like charisma stayed with me for almost an entire week after the seminar. When the high wore off, I was left thinking, “Woh,[…]

Day 120: Zen and the Emotional Yeti

I know that nothing is less zen than complaining about how hard it is to be zen. Peace, tranquility, humility and happiness, all of these beautiful prizes can be yours if  you just “live in the moment.” I don’t have to rehash what thousands of soft spoken bliss addicts have already described with an annoying lack of detail.[…]