Memoir of a Four-Year-Old

This is something I wrote for Parents Magazine. It never appeared online, so I did my best to get it on here.

The Collector

“Arlo, where are the batteries?” “Arlo, where are Mommy’s scarves? How about the Apple TV remote?” “Arlo, did you put the fingernail clippers somewhere?” “Daddy, do you know where my legos are?” “No, Silas… ask your brother, he probably packed them somewhere.” You should know that Arlo is not our freelance organization expert. He’s four years-old, and has recently taken a shine to wandering the house, collecting items (sometimes very important) and placing them in containers: grocery bags, boxes, suitcases,


Primal Yelling

If you’d like to see human frustration in its most natural state, simply say “no” to a three-year-old. You can also adjust a “wall” of the “grocery store” he made out of Magna Tiles. Another option might be to move one of his Calico Critters 1/32nd of an inch in any direction. These are his dearest items, but merely being in the vicinity of his stuff will elicit Arlo’s primal yell. We could deal with the crying and occasional tantrum.


My Worlds Collide

Silas (6) is a Power Rangers junkie. I’d like to send out my hearty thanks to Netflix for providing him and the rest of my family with the opportunity to watch all 1,000,000 episodes spanning three decades. The modern Power Rangers (the “Samurais”) live in a Zen loft with a Sensei. They tease each other and experience various angsty teen things like zits and existentialism. It’s 90210 if Brenda and the gang used huge Lego weapons and acrobatics to defeat


I Found The Missing Shoe

We were trying to get out the door, and Arlo was one shoe short of a pair. In these situations, I wander aimlessly, often looking in ridiculous places so that perhaps I might heroically discover a missing mitten in the back of the freezer. It’s never worked. Lindsay always finds the missing item because her goal is to succeed, and mine is to be amazing. I was searching the fireplace when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the


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