Who ARE These People?

I’m frustrated that I don’t understand whether I honestly enjoy the ABC show, The Bachelorette, or detest it so much that I watch out of spite. I know that last night, I texted my wife, “BACHELORETTE TONIGHT! :)” from downstairs — capitals, exclamation marks, emoticons and all — like a thirteen year-old girl, giddy to[…]

The Indoorsy Type

Contrary to most couples’ experiences, having kids has alleviated many of my wife’s frustrations about me. My clamminess, sensitivity to heat and near endless need for sleep were viewed by Lindsay as annoying complaints that could be cured easily by wearing shorts and sandals. But now that we have two small boys, each of whom[…]

Choice Paralysis

In the midst of one of her “I’m going to fix everything right now!” moments, my wife taped a hand-written list to the wall displaying the five television channels Silas can watch in the morning. You can see it was made in frustration. Any patiently considered, modern channel guide would have been created on a[…]

BEWARE OF GLASS

Holy shit, DO NOT break a glass in my house. You’d get less of a reaction from my wife if you set yourself on fire. Yesterday, I dropped a small ceramic ramekin (I am not ashamed of knowing what a ramekin is) which broke into a few pieces on the kitchen counter. Lindsay dashed into the room as if she’d[…]

The Rock Poster Binge

Fortunately, Lindsay and I are usually obsessed with separate things. I’ll be on a vision quest to boost our wifi signal while she compulsively searches the internet for symptoms of feline dehydration. Separate, but equal. It’s just safer that way. When our obsessions converge, like they did recently over 90’s rock posters, we enter a frightening[…]

Dueling GPS

My wife’s suspicion of technology has expanded to include GPS. It’s in her DNA; my mother in law recently emailed us an article about people getting dumber because of navigation systems. To paraphrase: maps are great and anything with a battery is full of demonic trickery aimed at turning humans against nature, truth, family, spirit[…]

My Wife’s a Believer

While the kids were in the basement arguing over the ownership of a foam sword, Lindsay approached me in the kitchen. “Sometime this week I want to sit with you alone in the dark and …” “This already sounds terrible.” I interrupted. Normally, I wouldn’t summarily dismiss a beautiful woman suggesting we spend time alone[…]