14 Pieces of Advice for 20 Somethings

I’m 41. I know that’s not old, but my age has given me some perspective on the mistakes I made as a younger man. So, to all of you still in your 20′s, here’s some advice. Take it or leave it. Get to work late, leave early and take all your sick days. Success at[…]

Improving Non Alcoholic Beer

Non drinkers need to stop hiding behind NA beers disguised as regular beers. Here are a few suggestions for some more honest options. I know I would drink them with pride. Visitation Amber — What do you want more? Alcohol or weekends with your kids? Colt 86 — Keep the malt. Eighty-six the liquor. Let[…]

Drunk Talk

I vaguely recall those nights—drunk as the wind, regaling a sober friend of my ridiculously enthusiastic opinions about inane topics, my self awareness blinded by chemical confidence—my sounding board sitting there, forced to smile and agree, all the while hatching an escape plan. Now that I don’t drink (seven years), and am frequently in that[…]

Day 311: Some Baby Names

Here are some baby names I think people are over looking. I hope this helps steer some of you expectant parents in the right direction. Boys Eleven Turkey (Turk) God, Zeus, Dio, or Sting Farnsworth (personal fav) The Edge (clearly there aren’t enough names with “the” in front of them) The Boss (case in point)[…]

Day 266: I Love My Granddog

Stuck to the back of a minivan was a bumper sticker in the shape of a bone that read: “I love my Granddog” I saw this during the first 30 minutes of a 4 hour drive. I spent the next 3 hours and 30 minutes asking myself “WHAT THE HELL IS A GRANDDOG?!” I actually[…]

‎10 Things I Would do for a Klondike Bar

Ask my wife if we have any Klondike Bars. Say yes when someone offers me a Klondike Bar. Tell someone I would probably eat a Klondike Bar if they gave me one. Choose a Klondike Bar when offered it among other less savory choices. Say “Klondike Bar” 4 times. Eat a warm-up Klondike Bar. Draw[…]

Day 223: Call in Sick

My friend Jeremy has a great policy: If you’re going to call in sick to work, make it something your boss will be too scared or embarrassed to question. He has used “I have to get my lung drained” on multiple occasions. The response is usually, “Oh God, take as much time as you need.” BINGO. Here are some[…]

Day 212: 10 Things someone needs to invent.

We need these things/products/services as quickly as possible. I would do it if I knew anything about anything. Some of these might already exist. Who knows. Kravitz be Gone: A subscription service that guarantees you wont’ be exposed to anything Lenny Kravitz related. Runs Detector: This would be a little piece of litmus paper that you[…]