Nope, I Can Still Smell It.

My friend gave me some pot for my 40th birthday and I’m terrified of it. I haven’t really smoked The Sweet Mary Jane since a quarter ounce cost $25.  In my day  you could go through a whole joint by yourself and question whether you were actually stoned. You didn’t have to worry about smelling like weed unless you smoked it while wearing a thick flannel shirt in a car with the windows rolled up. This new reefer is some serious shit. I

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Day 313: Five Years In January.

For the third night in a row the stench forced my pregnant wife to sleep in the guest bedroom. The pizza I’d eaten at 3am to soak up the smell was now a vodka-logged mound of starch festering in my gut. They should invent a Febreeze for your insides, I remember thinking.  It’s one of the booze industry’s greatest marketing spins that vodka is odorless. Unless you’re a good enough liar to convince people you’ve been funneling Purel, the acrid stink wafting from your

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Day 288: Jah, Rastafarai?

I passed out during a Jimmy Cliff concert at Wyandot Lake when I was 17. My friend and I had discovered “dub,” which is a sub genre of reggae that’s even more geared toward ganja. We only had one album, “Black Ash” and every song was named for a different drug; “Marijuana,” “Heroin,” “Lambsbread,” and so on. Actually I don’t know what the hell “lambsbread” is, but it sounds slangy for drug stuff.  It was all irresistibly subversive and we felt so

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Day 240: An Apology to LSD

Dear LSD, I know we haven’t visited in nearly 15 years, but in all that time, I held the belief that I would see you again. I know we didn’t date for long. How many times did we even go out? 15? 20? I can’t even remember. Geez, maybe you don’t even remember me. Now I’m just being insecure. I guess, I’ll just come out and say it. IT’S OVER. You’re probably laughing and thinking, “Umm, it’s been over for

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Day 146: Pet Mags for Drug Dealers

If you want the very best illicit drugs, buy them from a man with an exotic pet. I’ve had both kinds of dealers and the ones with snakes, iguanas, parrots and weasels always seem to have the best shit. On occasion, exotic pets can be replaced by black light. I had one dealer on medical disability for schizophrenia whose apartment had only black lights installed – his stuff was also excellent. I’ve known Pet Smart to be a pretty reputable place

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