Unacceptable Show-and-Tell Items

The key to show-and-tell is to bring something significant, but not so cherished that it can’t be lost or barfed on. My wife usually ends up saying something to Silas like, “Think really hard about it and choose something really special to you. Sorry, no. You can’t take ice cream. Nah, probably not your pillow either.” Here are some slightly more inappropriate things:

  1. His brother’s shoes
  2. The small plastic baggie he found at “the bad park”
  3. A dead squirrel
  4. A live squirrel
  5. The bracelet with a pot leaf on it he found at “the bad park”
  6. Daddy’s pills
  7. The frozen placenta from his birth. (We don’t have that and neither should you–especially not ours, which we never had, so you couldn’t possibly have it unless you worked at the hospital. Sorry, I’m off track)
  8. The cat litter scoop
  9. A set of steak knives
  10. Any photo of me from my sophomore year of college
  11. An EpiPen
  12. Bathtub drain hair
  13. Test results
  14. The guy on our block who never talks
  15. My NWA “Straight Outta Compton” CD
  16. Anything he found in the drawer of mommy’s bedside table
  17. A print-out of this list

I'm a contributing writer to Parents Magazine, GQ, Psychology Today and some others. My book, "This is Ridiculous. This is Amazing: Parenthood in 71 Lists" is available here http://bit.ly/1exfm34. Look for two more books in 2015: "Must. Push. Buttons (Bloomsbury Kids), and an as-of-yet untitled memoir I’ve appeared on Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” and “Nick Mom’s Night Out." I live in New Jersey with my wife and two sons and enjoy making them laugh more than anyone else.

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