The Rock Poster Binge

Fortunately, Lindsay and I are usually obsessed with separate things. I’ll be on a vision quest to boost our wifi signal while she compulsively searches the internet for symptoms of feline dehydration. Separate, but equal. It’s just safer that way. When our obsessions converge, like they did recently over 90’s rock posters, we enter a frightening state of mutual hypnosis. The children were screaming for food as their mom and dad swatted them away while huddled around a laptop arguing over which Built to Spill poster was cooler.

During the mid to late 90’s, Lindsay owned a rock club in Seattle called The Breakroom. It’s where we met. She was my bartender, pool foe and unwitting therapist. With both of us now over 40, and our relationship on the brink of celebrating its 14th year, we were suddenly captured by a wistfulness for the era when PJ Harvey was fueling our Pabst Blue Ribbon binges.

With the resourcefulness of broke addicts, we purchased a lithograph of every poster we could find containing a mention of The Breakroom (check out this one advertising an Elliot Smith show). After shooting all six posters into our veins, we each moved on to poster art from shows featuring our favorite bands, regardless of venue. Lindsay went upstairs to “the big computer”, while I stayed downstairs with the laptop. Meanwhile, our young boys could have escaped to get neck tattoos under a highway overpass. Who cares, mommy and daddy are busy outrunning middle age by commemorating their shared past.

We were emailing each other links of different pieces and occasionally yelling, “The Pixies one I just sent you is awesome! Can I please buy it?” Luckily, these were all prints, and topped-out at around $50, but with us each clicking around faster than a Christian mother inspecting her son’s browser history, we were poised to blow a grand in no time.

It’s still not clear how many posters we bought. The deluge of Paypal receipts in my email was too daunting to organize. We’ve received about 10 so far, and fear that more are on their way. Now we’ll just have to take out a second mortgage to get them all framed. I only request that we do this one first, because it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ll be arguing for it to be placed prominently.

I'm a contributing writer to Parents Magazine, GQ, Psychology Today and some others. My book, "This is Ridiculous. This is Amazing: Parenthood in 71 Lists" is available here Look for two more books in 2015: "Must. Push. Buttons (Bloomsbury Kids), and an as-of-yet untitled memoir I’ve appeared on Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” and “Nick Mom’s Night Out." I live in New Jersey with my wife and two sons and enjoy making them laugh more than anyone else.

1 comments On The Rock Poster Binge

  • I’ve been living your blog on my morning commute and now that I’ve seen your favorite poster you definitely have a lifelong fan. I saw the show the night before a the Crystal Ballroom, on my birthday, and must now buy the damn print. Thanks a lot!

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