Empty bottles of hand sanitizer are strewn about like shotgun shells on an abandoned battlefield. The hum and clank of our washing machine combined with the syncopated rhythm of cats batting around used paper towel rolls provides some white noise.
It’s tranquil here since the influenza agreed to a temporary cease-fire. Retching, moaning, and cries of “Babe! I need some help over here!” have been replaced by meek requests for food and water.
The first attack hit Silas Tuesday morning. Another wave struck younger Arlo on Sunday. Now Lindsay and I wait-out the incubation period, scrutinizing any gurgle or cramp like soldiers in a Vietnamese jungle frozen in place after hearing a twig snap.
“What was that? A burp? Yes, just a burp. Good.”
Every routine bathroom visit is accompanied by a sense of foreboding. The first attack could come at any moment, but the enemy is sly and ruthless, pouncing only after its prey has relinquished all paranoia.
“Well, looks like we’re in the clear,” is almost always followed 4 hours later by, “Remember when I said we were all in the clear earlier? Yea, I was wrong. Either that or I’m allergic to Boca Burgers.”
I’m acutely aware that the enemy has me surrounded. It’s on this keyboard, in my bed, on my glasses, in my slippers. It’s inescapable. Each time I bite my fingernails, I think, “Welp, that’s it. You win, Norovirus.”
Children and young adults are far more physically equipped for being violently ill. At 39, I certainly fear the discomfort caused by my body rejecting everything inside it. Even more terrifying, however, is the likelihood that vomiting will cause me to re-injure my neck. While the Norovirus will leave me within 36 hours, I won’t be able to turn my head for a week and a half.
At least I’ll be able to blog about how I pulled a muscle puking.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
We had the same nasty gastroenteritis for Thanksgiving – little man (1), myself, husband, my mom, both my sisters, my dad, and a cousin’s kid
Gastroenteritis sucks.
(Just a nit picky side, but influenza, or the flu, is an upper respiratory infection, not a stomach bug)
When I was still in the land of one baby she got the swine flu, mega sick and on IV for dehydration. Worst Doctor advice ever” You had better take gravol, your going to get sick soon and than who will look after the baby?” Well I had never taken gravol and he told me to take 2. I literally passed out (in the hospital while comforting sick baby) for eight hours, could not be woken,while my husband looked after our baby. I never did get the flu!( maybe not bad advice after all?
Gravol would not prevent any kind of virus or bacteria from entering your body and making you sick. The only thing that gravol does is keep you from vomiting if you are already sick. That seems like some seriously ridiculous doctor advice.
Why would you take gravol for swine flu – H1n1? That is actually an influenza and causes respiratory system symptoms, not vomiting. If you have vomiting you DO NOT HAVE THE FLU.
i think this thing is blazing its way across the country .. every mom I know has had within the last 4 weeks ..
That was a seriously rough weekend, with me and my hubby getting sick at the same time.. but still SOMEONE had to watch a crazy toddler.. ugh, he pretty got to watch TV alllllll day! :/
I laughed so loud that I startled my dog. The karma police are now going to send the sickness to my house.
That was us this weekend, too. I got it 36 hours after the wee man. Now we’re out of disinfectant, and after three attempts at cleaning, we’ve ordered our Arlo (nearly 2) a new car seat. Weetabix vomit sets like concrete.
and that was our Christmas in a nutshell. Best of luck to you.
There is nothing worse than vomiting. I can’t puke without popping at least one blood vessel in each eye. I really put my heart and soul into it.
I admire your commitment to quality heaving
I too am a power puker, typically breaking what appears to be every blood vessel in my face. My wife is very danty and you never hear a peep out of her, but I could hit targets from 15 feet away. I am horrified by the thought of having to be ill because everytime is violent.
im hoping that the flu will skip me this year because i have morning sickness that goes alllll day. (knock on wood) hope ya’ll are on the up and up.
Vomiting does work out your abs tho. It’s just so much more REAL when it’s not alcohol induced.
I’m in your shoes man. Seattle Snowmageddon + barfing toddler, now sick husband. I’m hoping it’s the Boy Flu. And ironically, as a Costco shopper, Y2k preparer and general control freak, we have run out of toilet paper. Lol. Hope you don’t get it.
It really is much more difficult getting sick now, than it was when I was younger. Luckily, I worked in childcare for over a decade so although I was sick pretty much the first whole year straight, I now have the immunity of a superhero. It takes the really bad ones to get me. On the flipside, this means when I get sick, it’s a super bad one and I get REALLY sick.
I hope you feel better soon. This was our house just 2 weeks ago. My husband didn’t catch what my son brought home from daycare… I wasn’t so lucky.
My mom assures me that not every time my kids start puking are my husband and I guaranteed to get it. While I have not been a lucky to not get it from them yet, I am hoping for you and your wife this is the case this time!!
Hope you get feeling better soon Jason! Vomiting is the worst thing ever!