Day 319: Self-help Advice from a 2 year old

by Jason Good on November 22, 2011

in 365°,Lists,Parenting and Kids,Self Help

  1. Challenge yourself every day. Try climbing the stairs carrying two soccer balls while wearing your father’s shoes. Remember, failure IS an option.

  2. De-clutter! Start by throwing all your dishes in the garbage. After that I suggest toothbrushes and important paper work.

  3. Pee on the floor and stomp in it like a puddle. You’ll be shocked how much better you feel.

  4. Whether the glass is half empty or half full is irrelevant if you dump it out on the sofa. You’re welcome.

  5. If you’re feeling aggressive, or just bored, scream in a cat’s face.

  6. Don’t ever be afraid to hand someone an ice cube while they’re on the toilet. That stuff is cold. You don’t have to be in pain!

  7. Socks are poison. Trust me, don’t wear them! Happiness will soon follow!

  8. Pound on a computer keyboard like Jerry Lee Lewis playing the piano. Feel better? I thought so. Great Balls of Fire!

  9. If you fall down, stay down. Someone will pick you up eventually.

  10. Quick thrills fuel the heart. Have you learned to delete things off the DVR yet? DO IT. It’s AwWwWwEsOmE.

  11. Seize the day and the night and the middle of the night and the early morning. Seize everything, y’all! Never stop seizing stuff.

  12. Tired of looking at yourself in the mirror? So was I until I met my friend permanent marker. FACE TATTOOS ARE RAD.

  13. This might be a tough one, but you gotta trust me: Take a crap in the tub. It’s surreal.

  14. Live in the moment because there is nothing else. Seriously, there isn’t. Not that I’m aware of at least.

  15. If you’re gonna run, do it at top speed, man. Life is too short to walk in the mall.

  16. I’ve seen God, and his name is iPad. Let us pray.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/lesacw Lesa Cassidy Wilkerson

    The first five are fantastic! I, too, was laughing so hard that I cried. Thanks!

  • robyn

    ha ha

  • rosemary hurwitz

    precious- just like 2 year olds–I remember miy very verbal 21/2 year old, telling me what heaven was like; “the people get all melted like snowmans, but some don’t -they are like elephants” No she is not a mystic-YET!, http://www.spiritdrivenliving.com

  • SandyS125

    That is an awesome list! My husband and I are both laughing and nodding in agreement.

  • gráinne

    I just almost woke my 2.5yo laughing at this !! its amazing i will read it often :) )

  • http://www.facebook.com/lalei83 Brittany Canon

    LMAO @ #16… that is my child…. it is also known as her best friend or just hers for short

  • http://www.facebook.com/tessa.t.burt Tessa Taylor Burt

    This is SOOOO the life of a toddler!!! LOL!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003781750677 Jenna Sweeps

    This is the third thing I have read by you, and you are by far the funniest person alive!

  • dr. pat

    I am in TEARS!!!! You must know my 2.5 year old son!!

  • Crystal Biehl

    I’m laughing so hard I’m crying…this is awesome!

  • momof2

    OMG YOU SOOOOOOO NAILED IT! I am just about peeing too laughing and reading! BRAVO!

  • April Khan

    Omgoodness…I could not stop laughing!!!! This sounds just like my son Brayden.

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  • http://www.bunnyonthebed.com Sherilyn

    I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t read this to my husband! We’re babysitting my 4-week-old granddaughter and I can see the future. Of course, I remember my kids at that age (minus the iPad) and I know the truth of all this.

  • http://www.creationheldcaptive.com Jeannine Eubanks

    crying.

  • janine wolfe

    Had to laugh at this! My littlest is now 3, so different from 2 (thank God – he does different, oh so cute things now – still won’t wear socks consistently though) and yes, I do remember! I have 3 boys, by the way. ;)

  • steph

    how true it is!

  • Lynn

    Another blog that makes me shed tears of laughter like The Bloggess. And yes, you must live in my house as well.

  • http://www.scoopingitup.blogspot.com Scooping it up

    It’s like you live in my house. I am weeping.

  • http://www.terracecrawford.com Terrace Crawford

    Hilarious! Just ran across your site…

    If only I could travel in a time machine… I might go back to 2 years old. That really was the best days, no?

    –@terracecrawford

  • Valynn

    Hilarious!!!!!

  • Grandma Mel

    Dump the cereal box on the floor making a lovely mountain, sit down, feast.
    No cereal boxes in reach? Works great with dog food too.

    Not enough Fisher-Price figurines to fill your toy truck? Drive around the yard and find “peoples” or, more accurately, “poop-les”

  • Karen sartorio

    Step 1: Pick your nose
    Step 2: Wipe on nearest arm, or if you’re in the backseat, ask for one
    Step 3: nonchalantly announce “Surprise”
    (note, this is especially good in public, while meeting new people, and during dinner)

  • http://Wix.com/creativehaven/childcare Heather

    Heres another one to add….
    My 19m wrote: Khuvrdybbj y9&6(/’$,;gk8!g.

    Translation: Play with the IPad while parents are blogging. It’s incredibly fun.

  • JM

    Others to add:
    1) Always wait until the tub is full of water before you decide to pee in it.
    2) Try all button to see what they do – the off switch on the computer when someone is working is particularly fun
    3) Waves to everyone – it makes them smile :-)

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  • Gigimomma

    I would add one more: Pants are for sissies. Running bare assed through the house, yard or street is pure joy!

    • islandmomma

      so are shoes, coats, any piece of clothing really – and snow? Snow feels so much better when your buck naked!

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