Challenge yourself every day. Try climbing the stairs carrying two soccer balls while wearing your father’s shoes. Remember, failure IS an option.
De-clutter! Start by throwing all your dishes in the garbage. After that I suggest toothbrushes and important paper work.
Pee on the floor and stomp in it like a puddle. You’ll be shocked how much better you feel.
Whether the glass is half empty or half full is irrelevant if you dump it out on the sofa. You’re welcome.
If you’re feeling aggressive, or just bored, scream in a cat’s face.
Don’t ever be afraid to hand someone an ice cube while they’re on the toilet. That stuff is cold. You don’t have to be in pain!
Socks are poison. Trust me, don’t wear them! Happiness will soon follow!
Pound on a computer keyboard like Jerry Lee Lewis playing the piano. Feel better? I thought so. Great Balls of Fire!
If you fall down, stay down. Someone will pick you up eventually.
Quick thrills fuel the heart. Have you learned to delete things off the DVR yet? DO IT. It’s AwWwWwEsOmE.
Seize the day and the night and the middle of the night and the early morning. Seize everything, y’all! Never stop seizing stuff.
Tired of looking at yourself in the mirror? So was I until I met my friend permanent marker. FACE TATTOOS ARE RAD.
This might be a tough one, but you gotta trust me: Take a crap in the tub. It’s surreal.
Live in the moment because there is nothing else. Seriously, there isn’t. Not that I’m aware of at least.
If you’re gonna run, do it at top speed, man. Life is too short to walk in the mall.
I’ve seen God, and his name is iPad. Let us pray.
Day 319: Self-help Advice from a 2 year old
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I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t read this to my husband! We’re babysitting my 4-week-old granddaughter and I can see the future. Of course, I remember my kids at that age (minus the iPad) and I know the truth of all this.
crying.
Had to laugh at this! My littlest is now 3, so different from 2 (thank God – he does different, oh so cute things now – still won’t wear socks consistently though) and yes, I do remember! I have 3 boys, by the way.
how true it is!
Another blog that makes me shed tears of laughter like The Bloggess. And yes, you must live in my house as well.
It’s like you live in my house. I am weeping.
Hilarious! Just ran across your site…
If only I could travel in a time machine… I might go back to 2 years old. That really was the best days, no?
–@terracecrawford
Hilarious!!!!!
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