Day 311: Some Baby Names

Here are some baby names I think people are over looking. I hope this helps steer some of you expectant parents in the right direction.


  1. Eleven
  2. Turkey (Turk)
  3. God, Zeus, Dio, or Sting
  4. Farnsworth (personal fav)
  5. The Edge (clearly there aren’t enough names with “the” in front of them)
  6. The Boss (case in point)
  7. The Steve (bad example)
  8. Budweiser
  9. L.O.L
  10. Pope (I really wish my name was Pope)
  11. Klonopin
  12. Tommy Lee
  13. Heinz 57 Sauce
  14. Zantac
  15. Beavis
  16. Lionel (I’ve never met a Lionel, but would like to.)


  1. Coriander
  2. Scarf
  3. Canasta
  4. Valtrex
  5. Yummy Salad
  6. Furr
  7. Duodenum (eh, maybe not)
  8. Magdalen (let’s take it back, ladies)
  9. Viola
  10. Effexor
  11. Myhhr
  12. Glamour
  13. Marie-Claire
  14. Privilege
  15. Xanax
  16. Kixx
  17. PEANUT (always in all caps)
Sorry, in advance, as I’m sure I missed some obvious good ones.

I'm a contributing writer to Parents Magazine, GQ, Psychology Today and some others. My book, "This is Ridiculous. This is Amazing: Parenthood in 71 Lists" is available here Look for two more books in 2015: "Must. Push. Buttons (Bloomsbury Kids), and an as-of-yet untitled memoir I’ve appeared on Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” and “Nick Mom’s Night Out." I live in New Jersey with my wife and two sons and enjoy making them laugh more than anyone else.

44 comments On Day 311: Some Baby Names

  • i know a Lionel and he was named after a family member. I wish i could tell you his whole name, but it seems wrong. He is of course always called by his childhood nickname and not his actual name. Thankfully the tradition ended and his son has a 'normal' name.

  • I actually work with a woman named Viola….Viola Lee, which is melodic to say. Ha – could you imagine being named Xanax?

    My husband always wanted a boy so he could name him 'Manglor the Destroyer.' Thank god we've got two girls, instead…

  • One of the best 30 Rock quotes:

    Cerie: We both want to have babies while it's still cool. I already have all the names picked out. If it's a girl, Bookcase… or Sandstorm… or maybe Hat, but that's more of a boy's name.

    Liz: Yeah, I was gonna say.

    Also, I just read your entire blog in about a week. This is way better than law school.

  • Canasta has a nice ring to it and makes me think of my gmom.

  • For boys…

    Any name with "ster" in it so that it is a built in nickname (Brad-ster, Joe-ster).

    The strange spelling of Jeff (Geoff) and is pronounced "Jee-off".

    The first Roman emperors: Julius, Augustus, Tiberius, and Claudius, but not Caligula nor Nero.

    For girls…

    Any name that doesn't have an "X" in it. Seriously, if they have an "x" in their name, you might as well just buy them clear heels and put a stripper pole in their bedroom. (Trixie, for example)

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