Day 269: Alone Time.

As I merged onto the highway, the rain sounded like gravel on my windshield. Cars that weren’t pulled over were driving with their hazards on. Normally a 70mph pace allows you to outrun or pass quickly through a thunderstorm. This four hour drive was different. I had a rain cloud following me wherever I went, like a clinically depressed blob in a Paxil commercial. It was the universe reminding me that the elation of freedom turns quickly to melancholy.

For some reason I didn’t pack for this road trip, opting to just throw my clothes in the back of the car. They sat there in a pile next to an empty carseat like the remnants of an evaporated passenger. I was excited to be travelling alone to a new city to entertain a different breed of stranger. I always think that excitement is going to last longer than it does, but after a nap and a movie at the multiplex, there was nothing else I wanted to do. I had shows at night, but there was a whole day I had to fill, and I’ve become accustomed to having my days filled for me.

When you’re home and people are crying and yelling and seemingly misunderstanding you on purpose, you dream of getting away and spending time doing exactly what you want. It takes having more of that time than you need to realize that it’s over-rated. I’ve been away for 4 days now, and all I want to do is hold up a kid so he can turn the lights off and on. I wish there was someone on my lap right now causing me to add a sggsd””d442e……n to this post. I’m finding it difficult to write without a 4 year old walking in every hour to ask if I’m done yet. Why hasn’t my wife asked me if I’ve paid the parking tickets?

Next time I’m going insane in my home, I’ll try to remember that I prefer it that way.

I'm a contributing writer to Parents Magazine, GQ, Psychology Today and some others. My book, "This is Ridiculous. This is Amazing: Parenthood in 71 Lists" is available here Look for two more books in 2015: "Must. Push. Buttons (Bloomsbury Kids), and an as-of-yet untitled memoir I’ve appeared on Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” and “Nick Mom’s Night Out." I live in New Jersey with my wife and two sons and enjoy making them laugh more than anyone else.

5 comments On Day 269: Alone Time.

  • I really liked this because I always get semi-jealous of my husband leaving for work and the solitude and quiet of an office. But then again. .maybe this is how he feels.

    I know for my part though.. once kid goes to bed, I RELISH the quiet.. not even good TV is worth that beautiful time of silence!

  • My husband moved up North 7 hrs away 2 weeks ago to settle into work and get the house ready while I stayed back with our three kids to wait for our house to sell. All I'm thinking of at this moment is how I'd like to have a little alone time from my kids and my parents who we are staying with, and yet I know my husband is prob wishing for a little more noise! Crazy how the grass is always greener on the other side!

  • I took a job in FL and left my 2 kids and hubs behind in NC to sell the house. The first week was great. The next 3 months were terrible. I quit and drove home to NC. That was 2 months ago. Now I have locked myself in the study because my kids are driving me crazy. *sigh*

  • Right now I am surrounded by 3 very sweet but very active kids. I spent 7 hours in one of those places they call "Fun" with indoor rides, games, noise, video games, noise and did I say noise? yesterday. I feel like I could worship a statue of silence right now…just lay down at the altar and promise I will never seek the world of clangs and bangs again.

    Tomorrow is my last day and then head over to see my daughter and the kid in Brooklyn. He promises to be another instrument of noise, giggles, possible tantrums and no doubt demands on my time. Not that I don't love the thought of it–for about 5 minutes–and then I think about that altar of silence…

    There are times I dream of my own house, my own bed and silence…Easy at my house because my husband is what as known as the last of the "silent" men. There does come a time after about 3 weeks the thought of a job around travel, new challenges starts sounding like an exciting event…

    But right now that my own bed things sounds pretty good…

  • As the father of a 1.5 and 3 year old, all I can't say is, "Yeah… *sniff*"

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