Day 266: I Love My Granddog

Stuck to the back of a minivan was a bumper sticker in the shape of a bone that read: “I love my Granddog” I saw this during the first 30 minutes of a 4 hour drive. I spent the next 3 hours and 30 minutes asking myself “WHAT THE HELL IS A GRANDDOG?!” I actually yelled that to myself alone in the car. Here are the possibilities as I see them.

Possibility 1:

The person driving the car had a daughter who was, by some freak genetic mishap, born a canis familiaris (dog). That dog (the driver’s daughter) had a child of her own (with another dog? No idea) and that puppy is the “granddog” of the person driving the car. The human grandmother or grandfather of this dog is trying to show solidarity with their bizarre canine progeny by putting a bumper sticker on their minivan. Somehow I don’t think that’s it. Why would anyone advertise something so heinously bizzarre? If they did, I think they would likely go with shirts, or a NASCAR team.

Possibility 2:

There’s a breed of dog called “Grand” that I’ve never heard of. This is highly unlikely. For staters, it’s a very strange name for a breed – cocky almost. Also, if it was a breed, you wouldn’t say “dog” after it. No one says, “I love my poodle dog.” They just say, “I love my poodle.” So, if that was the case, you would have a bumper sticker that said “I love my Grand.” While I would find that somewhat confusing, I probably wouldn’t go bat shit trying to figure it out. I would shrug and concentrate on the road. So I don’t think you have a dog called a “Grand”

Possibility 3:

The driver has a dog he/she loves. That dog had a litter of puppies, and one of them is their favorite “granddog.” First off, I don’t think you use the term “grand” like that for anything that isn’t in your bloodline. Secondly, even if you did find some rule allowing you to use “grand” in that manner, you would then be on shaky moral ground because you’re singling-out just one of the adorable puppies in the litter. Do you really only love one of them, or was there no “I love my Granddogs” option? Maybe only one of the dogs survived. MAYBE YOU’RE JUST INSANE! MAYBE I SHOULD DRIVE MY CAR OFF THIS CLIFF!

Possibility 4:

The driver is calling his dog “Grand.” As in, I really like my dog! He’s grand! I think that would have an “e” on the end, and it’s very aristocratic sounding. The type of person that says “grande” wears a top hat. They would never dream of having a minivan, or a sticker or anything in the shape of a bone that’s not a bone. I also think it would be two words – “I love my Grande Dog.” By the way, this same logic applies to the possiblity of it just being a really big dog. People who describe big things as “grand(e)” don’t buy stickers.

Possibility 5:

The only option I’m left with is that the van was originally owned by an extremely wealthy and eccentric dog. NO, OF COURSE THE DOG WASN’T DRIVING THE CAR! But perhaps this wildly rich dog, maybe Lassie or the Taco Bell dog, had an agent who convinced him to sink some of his money into a car. The dog made the car his own by affixing a bumper sticker stating how much he loved his granddog. The dog died and left the van to his agent. It was his agent driving.

Please help me come up with something better!

P.S. I’m very tired (“supes tie tie” as we say in my house)

P.P.S. I’m away in Syracuse and there’s a power outage at my house so my wife couldn’t edit this for typos and “things that don’t make any sense.”

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chris says:

I just saw this post while searching to purchase this exact sticker online. I saw it on a car just this week for the first time. I think it is a great pun! My son is in college and I often dog sit for him. I have no pets of my own and do not desire grandchildren for quite some time. I do however enjoy dog sitting for him. so for me I found humor in this sticker because it seems funny to me that my son drops off his dog when he heads out of town or sometimes bring the dog with him when he visits. I never heard of that term before either and found it funny. What I find shocking is so many people that are annoyed by they way others referred to their pets.I understand the bit about people who tell stories about their animals as if they were human. That is just dillusional. Just like this blog, everyone needs to relax and see the humor in life. There is so much humor to see daily.
Enjoy life all!

Diz says:

I found this two years later. Thank you thank you THANK YOU for writing this!
I’ve actually had a stranger brag to me about her granddog.
Face palm, shake my head and sigh.

Kayla says:

My friend's facebook post:

"Just loves how the deaf grandkitty of mine has learned how to turn on the touch lamp beside my bed. " FANCY A GAME OF NIGHT TIME, DAY TIME GRANDMA?" arghhh But have to admit when I sneakily watch, it is too darn funny the way he reaches up to do it."

Nancy says:

I laughed so hard, I cried. Literally. Knowing the answer of what people mean by "granddog" all along made reading your guesses hilarious. While I always find your blog super funny, Im not the type to actually laugh out loud from reading anything, but I laughed so much I managed to get my husband jealous- haha- "who are you talking to?!?". Great stuff- keep it up!

Leah D. says:

Wow. This is great. I HATE (one of my biggest pet peeves – haha, punny) when people call their pets "furkids". And, have you ever been around someone who tells stories about their animals and actually puts words in their mouth? For instance:

"Last night, Bowser was really hyper and I had to swat him with a newspaper and he looked at me with this hilarious face and said (yes SAID), "Mama, that was Not FUNNY!!!'"

uuuuuuuugggggggggHHHHHHHHHHHH

A friend of mine actually sent out photo "birth announcements" when they adopted a new dog. "Welcome Fido to our family!" with a professional portrait and everything. WOW.

I know there will be all sorts of animal-lover haters all over this post. Sorry in advance for igniting a war on your post.

The German word for dog is hund and many dog breeds have the hund right in the name such as Finnish Lapphund, Keeshond, Norwegian Lundehund, Dachshund. Then you have names such as in the Dogue de Bordeaux and the Giant Schnauzer so if you reconcile yourself to the fact that dog people are just plain nuts actually having a breed know as the Granddog or Grandhund or Dogue de Grand is not so far fetched. Now if you really want to be completely confused, try pronouncing the real name for a Mexican hairless breed, "Xoloitzcuintli".

SuperBonBon says:

This reminds me of a girl I know who calls her cats "kids." Drives me bonkers. Recently she moved and had to give away two of her "kids", then the third went and died on her. Of course that's sad and all, but we don't give kids away when we move and put them down when they get cancer.

Anonymous says:

so you really didn't know- wow. I thought it was a veiled attack and I was missing something. woowee, so this stay at home mom is with it and relevant for about 3 minutes. rock on!

Lila says:

You are SO funny. Loving your blog!

Stazia says:

I have the answer for you! My mother in law calls our dog's her "grand-dogs" because, while she wants grand-CHILDREN….All we have given her is dogs…Just as I call them my furry children….she calls them her furry grandchildren. lol

PHMama says:

I think he already knew that, but it is just as ridiculous as all the others he came up with.

cvtmommy says:

HaHa! My mother used to call our dogs the "granddogs" until we had our daughter.

(PS I work in the veterinary field and still think this is hilarious…yes people go a little far with their pets. Also bird people are a little more wacky than dog people in my opinion. But we all have our little quirks.)

Jason Good says:

How am I the only one who's never heard of this?

Cathy S says:

I'm wondering the same thing… I thought everyone knew about this one! I just can't believe that you came up with 5 other possibilities, I'm impressed.

Haxel says:

My dad totally calls my cats his grandkitties and my brothers' dogs his granddogs. Weird, I know. He still does this even though I've provided an actual grandchild for him now. I think he wishes he had a pet.

Candace says:

Exactly :) my mom, im ashamed to say, calls my dogs her "grand dogs". Ricockulous, i know

Jason Good says:

Ok, so apparently, I'm the moron. I guess these bumper stickers are used by people who think their sons or daughters are never going to have kids. So it's like their saying, "Fine I'll settle on having a granddog." It's reaaaalllly dumb, but clearly the correct answer.

Stazia says:

Exactly.

Debbie says:

Nah, you're not a moron – just a little out of the loop of aging folks with adult children that refuse to hurry up and have kids of their own and only have pets. I call my son's two dogs "my hairy grandchildren" in the hopes that between my harping about human grandchildren and calling his dumb dogs my grandchildren, he'll break down and have some babies. Well, *he* shouldn't have the babies exactly … but … Nevermind. It's time for my medication again.

cvtmommy says:

Ha! Debbie you are funny!

Kaci says:

Yep, what Tutu said. And it's possible you were driving behind my mom. My apologies.

Tutu says:

I believe the driver has a child who, rather than having children of their own, has a dog instead. Thus, the driver has a "Granddog" in lieu of a Grandchild. Silly!!!

I love your blog and I am totally stealing "supes tie tie " :)