Arlo, and by default the rest of the family, is still listening to Bob the Builder on any electronic device available. He’s insatiable. If you read The Saturation Failure you’ll see that we’ve been at it for a week now. Everyone on our street knows about it because he won’t even go outside without blasting it on my iPhone. “So you guys are still doing the Bob the Builder thing, huh?” Our response is a defeated and apologetic, “Um yea.” I can’t tell whether they’re appalled by our parenting (totally understandable), in awe of our patience, or desperate for us to leave and take our broken jukebox of a child with us. “Hey, no offense, but I can’t listen to Bob the Builder anymore. Feel free to visit again after you’ve weened him from that cartoon theme song.”
He now knows how to open Spotify on my phone, go to the search history, find the Bob the Builder search, and scroll through the 12 or so different versions available, playing each of them for about 8 seconds before frantically changing to the next. Occasionally, he’ll also want it on the TV. He’ll sit on the sofa watching the show and simultaneously flip from cover to cover of the song on my phone. He looks like a genius wall street broker or a professional sports gambler who tunes in and follows all the NFL games at the same time. A friend of ours has a 19 year old son who plays poker on the internet professionally. He makes around $300k a year doing it by playing 5 or 6 tables concurrently. My son is clearly destined for something similar. Let’s just hope it’s not air traffic control. I saw Pushing Tin, and that’s too stressful for anyone with even one strand of my DNA.
While pawing at my phone like a cat who stepped in peanut butter, he manages not only to call people, but also email and tweet about how much I’m enjoying his favorite song. It’s my phone, so I’m signed into all my accounts, and a certain combination of touches (which I don’t even know) results in a nice email to the first person in my address book letting them know that they too can use Spotify to find the Bob the Builder theme song. It’s fine that he tweets it because I assume all my followers think I’m being ironic. The icon for the Spotify app is the same color as the phone app, so he gets confused and frustrated when the phone won’t play the song. This results in numerous FaceTime calls to people I haven’t talked to in years. Now that those numbers show up in my recent calls, he’s dialing them over and over again. You’d think on occasion, he’d call my Mom and Dad and it would be cute. Instead it’s some guy who used to book a comedy room in Staten Island that I did 5 years ago.
So Tony Positano, if you have a 4 minute voicemail from me that’s a bunch of British guys singing a happy tune about their anthropomorphic construction crew, I assure you it was my son who left it.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I love Mary Poppins, have since I watched it obsessively when I was a youngun’, but after twelve months of my then three year old demaning “step in time” over and over and over again… I had had enough.
On the upside, i did get some gorgeous photos of him dancing around the room with a broom that I can use to bribe him with when he’s a teenager.
dang it. my phone is a dinosaur & sucks @ leaving comments… apologies…
how’s this for irony… my teenage girls were lamenting tha their younger brother didn’t love blues clues as they did & found some episodes on demand… except they were new ones (joe vs steve!… wait is there an even newer guy now?) & they were devastated/disgusted by the change in songs. mail time is now email time?! their indignation was complete & wondefully well placed. & that new dude, what’s he ABOUT? ahhhh…. they’ll be completely great warped parents one day…
how’s this for irony… my teenage girls were lamenting tha their younger brother didn’t love vlues clues as tney did & found some episodes on demand… except they were new ones (joe vs steve!… wait is there an even newer guy now?) & they were devastated/disgusted by the change in songs. mail time is now email time?! their indignation was complete & wondefully well placed. & that new dude, what’s he ABOUT? ahhhh…. they’ll be completely great warped parents one day…
I must send this one to my daughter as the kid will almost look normal…..
La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD. La la la la, la la la la…ELMO’S WORLD.
I lay in bed unable to sleep at night with Dora the explorer song on repeat in my head. It’s my version of the song that I have interpreted so it’s totally off. It also doesn’t help that my 2 year old wakes me up saying “want some Dora” and since it’s 6am I happily give into his needs. I can at least catch 20 minutes more sleep next to him on the couch. I was that parent that said my kid won’t watch TV… Hahaha
I was that parent too… double hahahaha. My kid is obsessed with Dora.
Muppets are like heroin for our two year old. He’ll get a taste of them on YouTube (the “manah manah” song and another one where several Beakers meep out “Ode to Joy” before…exploding?) and get immediately hooked. We’ve had to endure hours of screaming while he gets them out of his system and returns to normal. Then every once in a while we’ll give him a treat of a clip or two. It is always a mistake, and whatever problem we were hoping to overcome by distracting him is 5 times worse when we try to turn it off.
It is very cute hearing a 2 year old sing Beethoven using Beaker’s “meep” though. I like my son’s version better than the original. Take that, Ludwig!
My son had a Blue’s Clues obsession that lasted for years. In a fit of motherly kindness, I went on eBay and bought a bunch of vintage (do you know how old that show is?) Blue’s Clues toys. One was a gadget with planets on it, and when you pressed them, they each “performed” their part of a song that names the planets and some key feature of each (Earth is home to you and me!)
One day, in the car, my boy discovered that if you held down a planet, it repeated its name over and over. I’m sure you can his delight when he discovered that holding down Uranus for thirty minutes at a time (Uranus, Uranus, Uranus, Uranus…) would send the adults into paroxysms of tear-filled giggling.
I feel a little bad for my kids. They’re being raised by such immature people.
Ok, side splitting, tears running down my face, gut hurting laughs expelled from me with a force to be (or not?) reckoned with.
My oldest had a thing for Pocahontas. It was the only blasted movie she would watch for like a year straight. And at about 18 months, she would sit through it, start to finish, then ask for it again. She was an odd child, but at least I could pee during it.
With my middle child, it was Bob the Builder and Blue’s Clue’s both. Only, he would sit for maybe 28 seconds before tearing off. We would just get the show shut off when he would appear again, ready to throw down over the lack of his tv show.
Our youngest is almost 10, and has Asperger’s Syndrome. She LOVES music- and it’s almost always the most inappropriate songs (she once serenaded a family reunion with a 4 year old’s version of ACDC’s Big Balls). When she gets her 30 minutes of tv or video game time, she turns on the PS3, and we get to hear 30 minutes straight of the same song over and over again while she plays Little Big Planet. Sometimes it’s something like Jesse’s Girl. Othertimes, we get Womanizer. She’s a big fan of repeat. Us? Not so much. Even the best songs are ruined forever after a 2 hour binge.
hahaha.. that’s so awesome. He can come over to my house and listen to some Motley Crue anytime.
OMG so this post had me rolling (along with appreciating for a millisecond that my children are teenagers now)! Then this post…my now 17 yr old watched Pocahontas in continuous loops for days! My now 13 year old was the Bob the Builder fanatic, so I can totally relate!!!
Now it’s my granddaughter (2 yrs old) who has a Dora fixation. When we visit (they live in GA, we live in TX) she watches it over and over on my iPhone and does everything listed in this blog!!! Hence my tears from laughing so hard!!! She even calls me (from Georgia mind you) to ask can she watch “doo doo doo doo Dora” on Bebe’s phone!
Gotta love the marketing geniuses who knew to target children!!!
I so look forward to your daily rants. If I’m being honest I must admit your posts make me feel like a better parent & person. Or maybe just a little bit more normal at least!? At any rate keep em’ coming you’re a riot!
I hummed the mail song from Blue’s Clue’s every time the courier brought the mail to my office. Ironically, Steve Burns ended up leaving the show and starting his own band and I BOUGHT HIS CD. All those years of Blue’s Clues; who knew about the subliminal messages embedded in the songs?
… and the CD is actuall pretty good.
Kind of reminds me of Cowboy Kurtis on the Pee Wee Herman show was Lawrence Fishburn. He ended up being totally cool despite his association with an inane children’s show.
Maybe the Bob the Builder singers will start a new boy band and blow the Jonas Brothers out of the water. Then you can say that you knew it all along.
It was the Elmo song for us…good luck and God’s speed.
Okay, substitute Thomas the Tank Engine for Bob the Builder, and this is a story about MY two year old.