My Father’s a foot rubber. His father was a foot rubber. I’m one and so is my youngest son. I’m not talking about some new age-y genetic defect that makes you want to give foot rubs to people all the time. I’m talking about the insatiable appetite to rub my own feet together to calm myself down. You know how people in asylums (or at least the actors who portray them in movies) rock back and forth in chairs? Almost all the men in my family rub their feet together with a similarly psychotic rhythm and compulsion.
As soon as I lie down, the desire to rub them together courses through my legs like a venom. If I try not to do it, all I can think about is ripping my legs off and throwing them out the window. I know that sounds severe, but it’s like trying not to scratch an itch in your ear – eventually, if you torture yourself long enough, you just grab the nearest javelin and impale yourself through the head with it. You’re now terrified of the color yellow and can’t stop eating corduroy pants, but at least that itch is gone. Going even 5 minutes without satiating the need to rub my feet together usually results in the fantasy of a quick trip to Walmart for a chainsaw and 3 bottles of Night Train. “I’m cuttin’ em off, baby!” Then my wife says, “Oh, just rub them together, I don’t care.”
That’s the issue. Apparently the frenetic movement and paper-sliding-against-paper sound of my dry feet rubbing together gives my wife a bad case of ”OH MY GOD, STOP THAT!” If you’ve been keeping up with some of the other entries here, you’ll have a nice picture of our evenings. After the kids are asleep, we collapse on our sofas and watch a documentary about some dude who cured his cancer by drinking only juice. I complain that the cheese she’s eating smells like a damp refrigerator box, and she dagger-eyes me for rubbing my feet together so loudly that she missed the part when he says exactly how much kale to put in the 10am concoction.
Do I have restless leg syndrome? No, I don’t. I have something called, “I really enjoy rubbing my feet together.” Not every proclivity needs to be diagnosed and treated. Silas was somehow spared of this insane need, but my youngest, Arlo (2), has been afflicted. It’s cute now, but it won’t be when the noise causes his first girlfriend to miss Shiloh Pitt’s acceptance speech for winning best tween at the VMAs.
I think I’m going to get my Dad and Arlo and possibly one of my uncles who may or may not have the gene (he’s very private about it), and all go on a retreat where we can just lay on couches watching TV and rubbing our feet together. No one will be able to hear the program through the cacophony of skin and bone, but that’s not the point. It’s about freedom from being judged, and it’s about togetherness. Yes, I know that’s beautiful. If you want it to stay that way, try to avoid creating a mental picture of 3 barefooted men and a toddler watching Bob the Builder at top volume while they massage their own foot with their other foot. Too late? Sorry. Cheers!
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I have this too. so does my dad. so does my son. I wish I wasn't wearing boots right now.
OMG! I thought it was just me!
I love it when females rub their feet together and wiggle their toes,I find it very sensual.All these partners complaining about their loved ones rubbing their feet together with liitle or no understanding.Oh,what I would do to have girlfriend or wife who rub their feet together and/or wiggle their toes.That would be my dream come true.She wouldn't even have to ask me to pamper her feet for her.Be appreciative and try to understand because most times,they don't even realize that they're doing it!!Neo.
My roommate in college was a *socked* foot-rubber (he still is!) He would lie down on the couch with his feet sticking out from the arm rest and rub his feet relentlessly while watching T.V. or playing video games. I was in charge of cleaning, he cooked… Every week I washed the floor and at the bottom of the footrest I always found a pile of sock pill (sock bunnies?) come fallen to die there, shed from their owner. I used to pick them up and put them in a bowl in his room, for shits and giggles.
I am a foot rubber too! I started rubbing as a young child. I realized that I started rubbing to relax and go to sleep. I'm glad I'm not alone because my boyfriend says I'm weird.
This is my husband to a T. I can so relate to your wife. I have slapped my husband's feet many a time for this and I will continue to do so. Thanks for making me laugh!
It sounds like a tick. My husband youngest two minions all have ticks. With my youngest, it's that whole insane rocking back and forth thing you described. She gets the entire car shaking when she does it, and it also gives me, like your wife, a case of the "OMG STOP THAT!"
I'm not a foot rubber, per say, but when I slide into bed, and I'm antsy, or just feeling really comfortable, I'll rub my legs and feet across the sheets and blankets. Spouse things I'm nuts, but just laughs along with it.
This entry and all the comments has made me feel so much better about my foot rubbing! I picked up the habit years ago, it came out of no where, and I haven't been able to stop. My boyfriend is used to it by now but if I'm out with other people and I rub my feet together (usually while watching tv on a couch) they stare and me and ask me what the heck that noise is. I am now not ashamed! I will rub my feet together with pride knowing that I am part of a group, a group of happy foot rubbers!
I am afflicted too! My husband goes between not noticing, and then wanting to impale HIMSELF with a javelin because he's suddenly noticed and now can't not notice.
I'm afflicted too. My husband alternates between not noticing, and wanting to impale HIMSELF with a javelin because he's noticed and now can't not notice. And for all the lotion suggestions – if it isn't the sound that will get them it's the wriggling around!
The title threw me for a loop, apparently my mind thinks differently and the only thing I could think of going into this blog was condoms for your feet. Needless to say the title itself was confusing to me. And the contents had nothing to do with condoms.
Whew, I thought it was just me. I was totally expecting condom content.
Dude, if your skin is so dry that rubbing it together causes that much noise…get some lotion! :)
i love to see ladies rub there feet together while cross at the ankles
I find rubbing my feet together after waking but still in bed to be very soothing. Perhaps if I try it the rest of the day the panic attacks will subside. Thanks for the tip.
I had a boyfriend once who always said to me…"Your feet are the last things to go to sleep and the first things to wake up"…my feet love each other SO MUCH.
Oh man, never heard of anyone else doing this except the women in my family, three generations that I know of. We call it cricket feet, the need to rub our feet together when we are trying to relax, get quiet, nap, fall asleep. Although we don't have to be barefoot to do it, socks eliminates the noise. Mostly. Maybe we should start a support group. If not for us than maybe our significant others? It seems there's more of us than we thought.
I love it!!!
I'm a foot rubber and my dad was too! (I'm female though)
I didn't know other people actually had this soothing mechanism.
My husband doesn't mind but it would drive my friends crazy when I was growing up. So far I haven't seen my 8 month old do it but secretly I kind of hope she has the gene too. :)
I am just amazed because I believe I've seen the documentary about the green juice diet. I need to stop with the documentary addiction.
My step-dad used to rub his foot with his other foot under the dinner table. If he wasn't doing that he would wring his hands. My husband and my father love to rub or flick their big toe against their second toe. This drives me insane….my daughter, age 10 has just started rubbing her thumb inbetween each finger causing the skin to rub off. I guess what I am saying is I come from a long line of rubbers….and yes it drives me crazy since I don't do it.
My husband does this too when he's trying to get to sleep. It doesn't bother me. I just assumed that it's something he did as an infant or toddler to help him drift off. I think it's kinda cute.
You must be a newlywed. Wait a few more years. (I'm just kidding, you must be a very patient person.)
Funny
Have you ever considered applying lotion to your feet? It would cut down on the sound and you could rub your feet in peace. It would also be a kind thing to do for your wife in case your feet ever brush her legs in the bed, unless of course she enjoys a good exfoliation while she sleeps.