I have to wear glasses when using my computer. The fact that my eyes are tired after 39 years of work isn’t surprising. Here’s the rub. I look like a complete psychopath in glasses. After searching for months, this is the best I could come up with. And yes, I know I’m slightly less photogenic than Bigfoot and work in a room that belongs in a Croatian DMV.
Here are some quotes from bespectacled Jason, whom I have nicknamed “Show me your papers”:
“Hey! Anyone need me to calculate some derivatives before I barf up this schnitzle?”
“What makes you think you would be a good fit here at Dieter Stank and Edeltraut?”
“So tell me, Mr. Bruce Wayne, oh, I’m sorry, I forgot you prefer that I call you by your ridiculous superhero name. Tell me, BATMAN, what makes you think you can defeat my vicious army of acid spitting mechanical spider monkeys?”
I need to find glasses that don’t make me look like “The Berlin Strangler”.
- “What’s So Funny about Peace Love and Understanding?” The Elvis Costello, AKA 1960′s Military Industrial Complex or Roy Orbison. I think they’re the classic ray-bans.
- “Who, me? Glasses?” These are the all glass no frame weirdo ones worn by people who are really into kites and fly fishing, OR skeet shooting (but NOT fly fishing or kites)
- “PhD in English Literature” These are small and round and rest far down on your nose. The distance between your eyes and your glasses mirrors your capability of having a loving open relationship with another human being.
- “High School Chemistry Teacher” These are $40 at Lens Crafters and are also standard issue for the guy who rides with you during your driver’s test.
- ”GUYS! IM TOTALLY WEARING GLASSES NOW” This option would involve something weird and attention getting. It’s the equivalent of bringing attention to something before anyone else can. Like walking into a party and saying, “Hey, I brought this zit on my nose as my date!”
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
My fiance has worn "…Peace, Love and Understanding" for the past few years. Before that it was High School Chemistry Teacher. Way before that, before we knew each other, and I only know this from his old driver's licence photo because he sensibly got rid of them before we met, he wore "He Was Quiet, Kept to Himself. Once He Lent Me a Cup of Sugar. I Never Would Have Guessed He Had All Those Body Parts in His Basement."
I agree with Melanie…altho I wasn't thrilled with having to start wearing glasses last year, I made sure I found 'pretty' ones to offset the irritating feeling as they slide down your nose when you sweat. Just sayin'.
I'm from Croatia and was dealing with a Croatian DMV on a regular basis, and, believe me, you don't look anything like anyone working there, glasses or not :)
My advice? Ask your eye doctor, he/she fits people for them all the time and can get you the most unassuming pair that really fit your face. Seriously, I got glasses for the first time at age 18, and my own grandma who I'd seen three or four times a week since my birth didn't even notice I had them on. Unless you enjoy the Croatian DMV clerk look, and to that I say, moving on…
I say go 5. Go big or go home. Several of my girlfriends have glasses that would seem ridiculous, like red rims with purple on some parts, but actually look quite good.