I have to wear glasses when using my computer. The fact that my eyes are tired after 39 years of work isn’t surprising. Here’s the rub. I look like a complete psychopath in glasses. After searching for months, this is the best I could come up with. And yes, I know I’m slightly less photogenic than Bigfoot and work in a room that belongs in a Croatian DMV.
Here are some quotes from bespectacled Jason, whom I have nicknamed “Show me your papers”:
“Hey! Anyone need me to calculate some derivatives before I barf up this schnitzle?”
“What makes you think you would be a good fit here at Dieter Stank and Edeltraut?”
“So tell me, Mr. Bruce Wayne, oh, I’m sorry, I forgot you prefer that I call you by your ridiculous superhero name. Tell me, BATMAN, what makes you think you can defeat my vicious army of acid spitting mechanical spider monkeys?”
I need to find glasses that don’t make me look like “The Berlin Strangler”.
- “What’s So Funny about Peace Love and Understanding?” The Elvis Costello, AKA 1960’s Military Industrial Complex or Roy Orbison. I think they’re the classic ray-bans.
- “Who, me? Glasses?” These are the all glass no frame weirdo ones worn by people who are really into kites and fly fishing, OR skeet shooting (but NOT fly fishing or kites)
- “PhD in English Literature” These are small and round and rest far down on your nose. The distance between your eyes and your glasses mirrors your capability of having a loving open relationship with another human being.
- “High School Chemistry Teacher” These are $40 at Lens Crafters and are also standard issue for the guy who rides with you during your driver’s test.
- “GUYS! IM TOTALLY WEARING GLASSES NOW” This option would involve something weird and attention getting. It’s the equivalent of bringing attention to something before anyone else can. Like walking into a party and saying, “Hey, I brought this zit on my nose as my date!”
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