How the hell does it work when there are more kids in the house than there are parents? We have two kids – one for each of us – so we can trade off depending on which one we like better at the moment (totally kinda kidding.) The worse case scenario is that we’re each the temporary single parent of one child. Anyone can deal with that. When you’re out numbered, the situation seems destined for mutiny. No matter what you do, at least one of your unchaperoned kids is running around ripping the leaves off of house plants and eating detergent. You’d be in a constant state of:
“Oh shit, where’s my kid? Oh OK, there he is. Wait, where’s the the other one. No, not that one. The other one. Oh God.”
I’ve asked people with multiple kids how they do it and they usually say, “It just works out somehow.” That’s code for, “I have no idea how they are all still alive.” They never have a good, solid, thought out answer. It’s more of a “WOW, GOOOOOOD QUESTION. I have no idea how this all works. Do you have any coffee, or cyanide?” Sometimes the answer is, “Oh, well, they kind of take care of each other.” GREAT! A 4 year old taking care of a 2 year old. That should work out perfectly! Hey bud, where’s your brother? In a pillowcase? Did you poke holes in it for oxygen to get in? OK, good boy.
The answer must be that you have to lower your parenting standards. Every now and then, you have to let one or more of your kids be unattended while they climb the ivy on the side of your house. Somehow it slowly morphs from a home into some kind of insane foster care situation where you care just a little bit less about their well being. Here’s your food. Eat it or starve, it’s your choice. I have too many kids.
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We have three kids, two girls 11 & about to turn 7 and a 4 year old boy. I never liked the idea of having kids terribly close togther, they compete over the same stuff, you can't reason or negotiate with toddlers, and I refused to have more than one child in diapers at the same time. Mind you, its mayhem! But I love it. They are all crazy and some days I hide in the back yard or attic! We would have had more, but I wanted a dog more! lol So now we have a boxer to add to the crazy mix and its great. The best is when they all have to ask you something at the exact same time, while you are on the phone or on the toilet and a war breaks out over who actually gets to speak to you first and who's question is more important! Love your blog, just found it today. Love day 215, the inside of a 2 yr olds head. Right on the mark!
Father of 3. I keep telling my wife we need to open the marriage up to manage them all. Hasn't worked yet… Anyway, the 4 year old does a wonderful job of watching the 2 year olds. I don't think there is a better answer than "it happens somehow."
Oh my god, you made me laugh so hard I almost choked on the bowl of cereal I was eating. I have two children, and I really truly don't understand how anyone deals with more then that (and apparently, they don't understand either! lol). Mine are only two years apart. My youngest stayed in his stroller until he was just over 2 years old because he refused to walk properly (i.e without going limp every 10 seconds) and I couldn't carry him and hold my 4 year old's hand (which I had to do, or he'd run out into traffic, despite being told a bazillion times about the dangers…) Thankfully they are almost 3 and 5 and past this stage now, but holy hell, how would you do it if you had 3 or more children? Thankfully I will (hopefully) never find out :P
3 kids (7,4 and 2). So yeah that is pretty much it! This is so my new favorite blog, you are inside of my head!
5 kids here, all school age now but I walked around for years with only one leg shaved at a time, someone always needed me as soon as they heard the shower!
Going to zone defense is a good start, I'd also go with leashes in public. My husband & I have two sets of twins. They are 5 & 3 now, all boys. I found lowering your standards really helps. I'm not talking 'game changer' issues, more like housekeeping, matching clothes, shoes on the correct feet…. When you knock those expectation down a few hundred notches, everything else is easy. As for keeping track of them at home or public, I do my best – but I lose them sometimes. I count on the kindness of strangers, and thankfully that's worked so far. Now they'll scream if one starts to fall behind when we're out or someone hasn't loaded up in the minivan. So eventually they learn that Mom's not perfect and you better take care of each other. When people say, "I don't know how you do it." I just smile and think, you probably have benchmarks to ensure your day is worthwhile. My motto is 'how can I keep the kids alive today and still have some fun.' ;^)
5 kids. "Here’s your food. Eat it or starve, it’s your choice." – dead on. Although I don't think that's poor parenting. It teaches them to be grateful for what they're given and not to be picky and bossy and demanding. They learn to work as a team (family), nobody's spoiled, etc.
Wow! I'm am crying over here seriously, so glad I found your site! I have 3 kids and the oldest is 4, and yes what you have said is sooo true. I do honestly wonder how I have kept them all alive! You're last paragraph is exactly how you do it, that is your answer, you just have to lower your standards a bit, care less about perfect parenting that's for sure. Some days it's all I can do to open a can of alphagetti with one hand, baby in the other and put it cold into bowls for lunch. But then some days it's awesome. You never know what you are going to get!
A SIL mentioned your site. I especially love the self-help advice from a two-year old.
I had four kids in less than six years. It was insane. I am not only starting to recover and my youngest is almost seven. You don't go out alone nearly as much, especially when they are young. However, I remember going shopping at the grocery store when we were pretty much desperate for any food in the house. I had several strategies for handling child containment:
1. One kid would hold onto the baby carrier, one would hold my hand and one would hold onto the other kids hand. It would usually mean shuffling because one child was too small to walk very fast. I REALLY wished mothers with more than three children could use handicapped parking. I also built up the muscles on each arm. The least fun option for everyone involved.
2. The kiddy choo-choo. I would hold onto the baby carrier and the rest of the kids would line up behind me holding onto the coat/shirt of the person in front of them. To complete the picture, kids would take turns making the chugging noises and the whistle noises. This is very fun for the kids, but not as much fun for the adults, unless you like people looking at you strangely.
3. Using the cart as a child retention devise. I know there are all those signs plastered on the carts warning you to not let your children ride on the front or back. I let them ride on the sides. They would only step off without warning me once or twice before learning bad things happened and the incident usually did not involve blood. This is a win-win because the kids have fun riding the cart and the adult can count them within five seconds and, as an added bonus, walk at an adult pace, not a two-year-old pace.
You also have to be totally prepared to bail on any store if your kids decide to misbehave. Even if it means leaving a full grocery cart behind for some unlucky clerk to empty. Establishing effective bribes before the trip can minimize the chance of this happening. Also be prepared to lose a decade or more of your life and memory.
I have three kids, 2 girls (ages 5 & 2 almost 3) & a 1 year old son…its not easy…but I do the majority of it myself so….I really have no clue how the heck I do it…
I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't know how my 3 stay alive!! Didn't help that the baby started walking at NINE MONTHS OLD. Now they're everywhere, throwing toothbrushes under the couch, beheading Christmas ornaments, dumping out all the books and DVDs while I'm just trying to get the coffeemaker to crank out another round of joe (HANG IN THERE, Gevalia, don't give up on me now!) so I can keep up.
You seem like my mental twin right now
I usually don't comment on random stuff I read, but couldn't resist. Our third ended up being twins and yes, it was hard! As another twin mom mentioned, they tend to run in opposite directions and only faster when you say "stop." All four are boys too and they are constantly in the midst of either a real argument or an imaginary game the involves fighting somehow (even though it's all in fun-until someone gets hurt). When they were younger, I coped by simply not taking them out of the house unless absolutely necessary. Now the youngest are eight and it's much easier. But those first five years or so…mostly a blur.
I had 4 in 10 years. It's true – the first is really hard to adjust to. The second is OMG so much more WORK! The third is a little bit harder, but not too bad. After that it's nothing. If money hadn't been an issue I could have easily had 10. Ok, money and physical stamina. The trick, if there is one, is comprised of several parts, none of which can work on its own.. First, keep up with the discipline. If you slack off, you lose control and it is so much harder to get it back. Second, keep them busy. My kids weren't regimented every hour of the day, but they were active all day – school, sports, scouts, 4-H, etc. By the time bedtime came they couldn't wait to sleep. Third, do things WITH the kids, not just stand around chatting while they play with others. It's ok to do that occasionally, but you have to stay involved to stay up to date on who they are now. They get older, they change, you want to be there when that happens, trust me. And fourth, make sure you have time for you. It could be 30 minutes in the morning to drink a cup of coffee and watch the news, or 20 minutes at night to read before turning off the light, or maybe a half hour while they're napping to watch your favorite show. Whatever it is, it's just for you. That last bit is essential to remaining sane. My youngest is almost 17 now, the others all grown and on their own. We're still close, talk every day, and each and every one of them has become an adult I am proud to know.
I have 5: 3 teens and 2 toddlers, and they are ALL boys. And yes, parenting standards do diminish, slightly. Or, as I like to put it… you get less uptight. lol! But I got a leash, and that has helped ever so much for forays into public spheres. It's a monkey backpak and the toddlers love it. I do a lot of counting of heads. And expecting the older ones to be able to keep themselves from being kidnapped or maimed while I deal with the youngers ones.
I agree, you get much more relaxed. You learn to focus on the important stuff and ignore the rest. For me that meant the kitchen and bathroom stayed clean, but clothes tended to pile up on the floors and vacuuming happened maybe once a month instead of twice a week. :P
Oh my gosh!!! This was perfect! You don't even know how hard it is for me to keep track of my twin toddlers AND our 12, 13,& 14 year olds! You would think the older ones would help take account for the twins and sometimes they do, but mostly, they are a distraction. So is the laundry, the dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the showers, toilets, and baths….because WHENEVER I do any chores, chaos ensues and I find myself missing a kid or saving the other's life….or both!
It only takes putting one load in the dryer to come out and find one toddler on the counter, digging in a high cabinet, munching on dad's sleeping aid supplements or whatever other supplements he found easy to open. Or the other toddler climbing up the stair railing….on the OUTSIDE of the stairs. I am pretty strict and lay down stern boundaries, but they just know when the opportune moment is to break those rules.
My husband and I often say we feel like we save lives more than we parent. Child leashes??? I used to scoff at those parents, too, until I became one mom with two development-delayed twin 1-3 year olds that would book out in two different directions and the word "stop" meant nothing but go faster. I would find myself as the mom in the movie "Good Son" trying to figure out which kid I should try to save the life of first. I never ended up getting a leash, but gosh…if I was a good parent, I would have.
I have 3 and though I can't tell you exactly how to do it successfully, I will say that if you are going to pass 2 you might as well have 10! I'm pretty sure that what changed from one to the next all happens in 3 kids if of course you have both genders. There probably isn't anything that could phase me now if I had more. I would like to think that we have been pretty successful so far and not stupid enough to test fate with another. Besides, who could afford any more? LOL
When I was pregnant with my 3rd, I was freaking out about this and everyone said – One is hard, because you're new and freaking out. Two is hard, because you're still trying to figure out what to do with the first one and suddenly have to worry about a second. But after that, it gets easier. You just throw the extra kids into the mix. You're so much more easy going at that point. The days of freaking out when the pacifier hits the ground, a kid comes out eating a something he "found" in the playroom, and sanitizing everything are behind you (hey, kids need to build their immunities somehow!). I've found that, sadly, it's true. Adding the 2nd was a lot harder than adding the 3rd. Plus, my oldest was so excited about a baby, she provided all the entertainment (and still does often!).
I am the single Mom of 3 CRAZY, OUT-OF-THEIR-MINDS girls. Yeah, totally lower your standards! Also, cleaning goes first… Kids do surprisingly well wading through the trash to get to the kitchen table~ not a complaint yet!!
3 girls here, too…5,8, 11. When pregnant with NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A POSSIBILITY #3, "friends" with 3 or more said, "eh, what's another one after 2?" The answer? It's another live human being that I need to feed, bathe, clothe and, oh yes, love.
(and we have actually lost #3 several times, in hotels, museums, hotels…)
I think you got it. We have 4 and sometimes my husband and I look at each other and try to figure out when we became such bad parents. We usually take a picture first. ;). But it was when we became our numbered. Every once in a while we just tap out and accept defeat.
Do not lower your standards of parenting. We have 3, all a little over a year apart. Our oldest is now 5. We found that a lot of the little stuff we let pass by when we had one or two came to the forefront when the third was born. Then we played catch up for a year of hell where we let them get away with less than before. In my experience, cracking down for that year and raising the bar made our lives a lot easier after that. They now know that action 'a' is going to bring on quick and appropriate reaction. Which has to change up every now and then, or it becomes predictable and eventually useless. We are not drill sargents, but if you give them an inch, you will never get it back. Period. Most of our friends made the mistake of believing that kids 'don't understand'. When your kids look at you and do it anyways, they know EXACTLY what they are doing. It amazes me how intelligent they are even at 9 months old. Fact is, they get it. Question is, do you know how you are going to react to it? Yelling is a joke, and a lazy attempt, and believe me it is only an attempt. Come up with an appropriate reaction, AND ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH! And above all, remember that they feed off your mood. If your agrivated and snippy, expect your kids to act in a similar, amplified manner. If your calm and calculating, your days will go by a lot smoother. That is just my 2 cents and it is working for us.
Oh yea, one thing I forgot. SILENCE IS A BAD THING!!!!
six kids, now aged between 14 and 27. When they're small, you basically spend most of your time with half your brain numb from lack of sleep. Tthis means things happen like only picking up one daughter from school instead of two because you're picking up friends' kids also but cant count (sleep deprivation thing); collecting one from ballet class and forgetting another who'd gone to hiphop; never getting their names right (a 14 year old boy can get very miffed if you call him Sofia in front of his friends). Or just plain forgetting their names (yes, I actually had to ask one of my kids what was her name – sleep deprivation is a bugger!). Best bits? The laughter – there just isn't anyone who can make me laugh as they can. Bless 'em!
Hehe, I have four kids, 7 and under. When I am asked "How do you do it??" I always say "practice". I honestly think it's not harder, just hard in a different way, because some things get easier. Experience is a huge plus!
I also think of it in terms of a job. Each time I got pregnant I called it a promotion ;). The work load changes a bit, you have to put in more hours, but the rewards are greater too.
I absolutely feel crazy some days (what person doesn't?), but I wouldn't change a thing!
You're correct…outnumbered doesn't work. Concentrate on only life threatening situations and social skills. Social skills mean that hopefully they won't kill eachother and they will find friends outside of the home. Friends outside the home could potentially lead to sleep overs. Sleep overs at someone else's house is like a playing a 2 on 3 zone defense with one of the players in the penalty box. Now it's 2 vs 2 a much more maneageable number. Unfortunately sleep overs require reciprocation; now it's 2 vs 4 and at this point I refocus on the life guard aspect of parenting (with special emphasis on my own kids of course). Bottom line is either give birth to a fully functional nanny first or resist the urge and keep the odds in your favor.
Ha… one of my favorite comments ever.
Three is easy – unless its triplets and they are all the same age. My kids rotate between the computer, Nick Jr., jumping off of something, and battling with light sabers. Everyone is happy and healthy and we have not ever had a black eye. Totally winning!
Oh yes, the switcheroo. I have 3 boys (7, 4, 2). They do it to taunt me. Where's A? He's on the computer. No, he's not, YOU are, and you are NOT him. Where is he? Um, pooping? Great, thanks for your input, go shoot something.
During that lovely convo, G is jumping off of something or stacking things to get to a higher point for jumping, and A is off somewhere sneaking something he's not supposed to have, because no way in hell did he decide to go poop on his own the self-constipating little rat.
G, stop jumping off the table, where's A? My no know, ahshide mama? No, nobody is outside, go find A for me please. (sigh) No mama, my no get A, my bishy cook. Wan eat hannagaber? Um, thanks baby, that was tasty. Guess I'll look for him myself. My find 'im! Wite dere! He wite dere mama! Unner da tebble!
The only good quiet is when:
a) they are all sleeping
b) they are all GONE
c) they have all agreed on a show and are watching it together without touching or sharing food. This lasts @ 7 minutes.
BAD quiet is:
a) when they are all inside and it's quiet
b) when they are all outside and it's quiet
c) when it's quiet but you hear giggling/snickering/incomprehensible urging
d) ALL OF THE ABOVE
Welcome, welcome to my home.
Dude, trust me on this. You have to switch from man-to-man defense to zone. It's hard; it took us about 18 months to get it. One goes one way, one goes the other way, and THEN you both remember that baby number 3 can move on its own now – shit!
Good luck, and welcome to the crazy.
I actually often tell people "never have more children than hands." My three survived to adulthood (the youngest just graduated high school) so I figure I did something right. And while they didn't climb the ivy, they did jump out of the living room window to the flower bed … over and over and over … ah, memories.
We have 7 from 17 years down to 15 months. Six boys, one girl. The only time i really panic is at Christmas.
As far as the people who are freaking out about the end of this post …what, did it strike a little close to home? I don't have all perfect, straight A, pod like children. I have a football nut and a heavy metal freak. I have some who make great grades effortlessly and some who struggle. My house is often a wreck and I don't care, because I long ago gave up the idea that me or my family have to be perfect to be awesome. They are loved and love each other, and that it the best thing I think can be said about a large family, rather than rattling off a resume of how Martha Stewart perfect you keep things.
Now please excuse me, the baby is eating cat food.
HAHAHHA… thanks for that , Cait :)
I do have 3 kids (now grown) and I used to say all the time "If you're hungry I'm sure you'll find a way to eat it". I also used to say "I'm going now. I think you should come with me", turn on my heel and walk away, and they would stop their tantrum where ever they were and come with me.
Hahahahahahahhaha! That's what my mom did to us. There were 3 of us, my two brothers and I and nothing makes you move faster than seeing your lifeline walk away. :-)
This is my 1st time reading any of your blog. It was funny!!! I didn't agree with lowering our parenting standards…..but still funny. I am a single mom. I have a total of 10 kids in my with 4 of them being mine. From ages 16-5months. It is a daily challenge but you schedule out 1 on 1 time with everyone!!! As long as they are respectable, loved and happy…….I am happy!!! Tired…lol but happy!!!!!
I am so bookmarking your blog!! I've been going insane with three kids (23 months, 4 yrs, & 6 yrs). Your posts will be what starts my day, reminding me that I don't have to be perfect because I AM doing my best. My kids are healthy, well fed and have clean clothes. I on the other hand am lucky if I get to wash my hair every other day.
Your posts are hilarious and oh so true!
Thanks for all the laughs!
BTW to keep track of all the little people when the hubs and I are out, the littlest one is usually strapped on via baby carrier because I hate having to run after him to catch him before he destroys something that I don't want to have to pay for. I find myself always doing a head count and feeling that we have one more that is missing, but all are accounted for and I must be going crazy.
I'm a mother of 3 and your blogs always crack me up. My house is like a flipping zoo, temper tantrums from my 2 year old, my 4 year old (God love her) never stops talking, and my 11 month old never stops crying. Then my poor husband gets to hear our crazy kids when he gets home from work and me complain and cry after they go to bed. As crazy as it is I would not trade it!! Keep your blogs coming they make me smile :)
1. the more kids you have the more acceptable it is for your house to be filthy (as opposed to your general hatred of cleaning)
2. the more kids you have the more booze you're allowed to drink
3. the more kids you have to more OK it is to hardly ever wash anyone's sheets – adding that kind of bulk to your daily washing cycle blows it out for days
4. the more kids you have to more acceptable it is for you to totally forget important things – like parent/teacher meetings, school notes, money for school excursions and so on and so forth
5. the more kids you have to more acceptable it is to not do all those extra-curricular activities – do you know how expensive that becomes when there are loads of them!?!
So yeah, having four kids for us had nothing to do with us wanting a big family, a fair bit to do with us being ludicrously fertile and astoundingly careless but a LOT to do with us needing a far more acceptable excuse for our general laziness.
I love your reply, can I quote you?
I'm just suprised at how many people have freakin twins!
I had one sweet amazing lil angel that tricked us in to getting pregnant again. Guess what!?!?! It was twins! Some where, some how, some one thought i needed a challenge. At one point we had three children under three. I stayed home calling for the husband to come home and help.. he found another women not covered in baby puke. Now we are divorced and get a break from the kid chaos when the other parent has them. Yes having 3 or more is crazy but some how we all survive.
I would say its not my pareting standards that have lowered but definately the standards on the tolerated state of chaos my home can be in have lowered tremendously!!! I have a just 3 a just 2 and a 2 month old. they are all healthy and happy.. but do my dishes get done every night and do the toys get picked up ??NO Im content with knowing ive washed those floors in the last 72 hrs.. and that sometimes if they are all sleeping its better to just sit and enjoy a few moments with the hubby on the couch zoned out on tv! Good post!
I have 3 kids and I swear I was laughing so hard that my husband asked me if I was going to be okay. Tears were streaming down my face! What's funny is that, with all the madness of having 3 children of different personalities and temperaments, I still want to adopt another one.
Oh, and zone defense… DEFINITELY!!! :-D Thanks for the lighthearted take on life with kids!
HAHA!! Thanks for the laugh!! I am the parent of 3 wonderful but ornery children. My oldest is my only girl and she is 13…Hooray for puberty…NOT! My middle child is 9 and on top of that he has ADHD…no he is not a zombie on meds, yes he is medicated for school purposes. My youngest monster is 4 years old and has more energy than I could ever have even with 3 pots of coffee gone!!
For those who are so negative about this post lighten up!! If you can't see the humor in it go find a way to relax and de-stress!! I grew up in a family of 7…..2 parents and 5 kids!! Talk about a nuthouse!! From the oldest to youngest there is 10 yrs between us!
Seriously? I have not read your blog before, so I don't know if this is some sick sense of humor. It's fine if you don't "get" the large family thing, not everyone does, but to equate a large family to an insane foster care home is not just wrong it's just plain stupid. And for the record, I have 5 kids, a full time job, and volunteer commitments. My kids are loved, well cared for, happy, honor roll, extremely active students. How do I do it? I work, hard. I stay up late and get up early. Our house is orderly and organized. We have routines and schedules. Is our family life for everyone? Absolutely not but it works for us and our kids. How dare you judge anyone without walking a day in our life.
I would gladly walk a day in your shoes if you would agree to let me write about it afterward. Is that what you're offering? I'm confused
Come on!! Seriously?! Someone can't make a joke on his own freakin' BLOG?!?!?! Society has gotten to be a real problem if we can't crack jokes at our own expense. We've gotten WAY too serious around here.
Wow June, calm down, nobody is judging you. I think you may be wound a little too tightly.
Jason, I found it to be pretty humorous.
oh, dear…anyone who can not see humor in this post should pull that stick out of their butt!!
Apparently all those kids and work have caused you to lose your sense of humor.
Hm. I definitely have to admit…. while Jason's post was obviously (at least to me) meant to be comedic, there ARE those in our society who view large families this way – for reals. ;)
That said… my hubby is the fourth of eight kids, and they all seem to have turned out okay thus far. ;) not to mention the wonderful bond they share. I know that there are times I am pulling my hair out with our ONE six-month-old, but I am also quite open to the idea of a large family someday, whether that be via birth or adoption.
This mama does have a point – she just might've had a long day and a few too many people criticize her for being open to that many children. *shrug*
Let's all calm down, eh?
Just had our third. It's not so much that the parents are outnumbered, it's that you suddenly have too few ARMS. Still haven't figured that one out (although you suddenly find people a lot more willing to carry cases of beer out to your car, bend the rules in honor of your leaving the house, call you a saint after your kid pukes on their shoes, etc.)
As for the older two, you count on them to entertain each other. And train them to obey "SIT!" commands. And leave out PBJs so you don't have to drop the baby and come running when they finally decide they feel like eating.
So true, at the end with having so many I forget names, dob's and so many other things its a zoo up in here…But you know what…the love they give Is Sooooo worth it…I love my 3 little things 1 2 and 3. Just try ti make the best out of it.
We have FIVE kids-all adopted. So we did this on purpose, not over the course of a few careless drunken evenings. We started out right off the bat with two. Then three. When you're outnumbered, you just shift from a man to man to a zone defense.
I'm a little surprised at all the people who aren't seeing the HUMOR in this, especially the last paragraph. I laughed out loud! Thanks for the great read, Jason. I'll be back for more.
ps. I have one child, an 8 year old daughter, and she's a picky eater. I can't tell you the number of times I have just said "eat your breakfast or be hungry at school". I CARE very much if she's hungry, but if the girl isn't going to eat breakfast today, number one, it won't kill her, and number two, maybe she'll start to get a clue about ACTUALLY eating. Sigh.
Also, I do occasionally call her by the dog's name (who is a boy!) – that is not limited to having more than two. We call it Momnesia – amnesia brought on by motherhood!
LOVED IT!!
We have 3 boys, ages 15, 11, and almost 9. It has always been a little hectic in our house. Throw in a couple school extracurriculars for each, a couple of sports for 1 or the other, and various levels of Scouts, husband being a volunteer firefighter on top of his full-time job, me being a Red Cross volunteer on top of my full-time job, and no judge in the world is gonna question your insanity plea. But, we love every minute of it. We are there for them for nearly every little thing they do. It's how we roll!
There are days when I call them each other's names, there are days when I call them the neighbor kid's names, and there are days when I call them the dog's name…and she's a girl with a girl name!
And yeah, we do lower our parenting standards to a degree. We're so much more relaxed now than we were with our first. My motto is…if you break a bone or need stitches, please do it before 8 p.m…that way, when I have to spend the next 6 hours with you in the ER, I can still get some decent sleep before the chaos begins all over again at 6 a.m.
Three kids and I like to think we are just the best parents EVER. Ok, maybe not. Maybe we just got lucky. I have a 7 year old and 5 year old twins. My twins never did things like eat detergent or pull leaves off plants. Mostly I just made sure my entire house was as childproof as I could possibly get it. And I was mean. Mean Mom=kids don't act up. And it worked, we made it and they are all in school now, hooray!!
Happy pills and early bedtimes.
Doesn't matter whether it's one kid or four, such as I have; when I had only one, he still managed to launch himself off the sofa, climb shelves, root through the trash and eat cat food, etc.
Any parents who say it never happens to them are lying!
Three kids. Oldest is 6. Twins won't be five for another three months. All girls.
"Herding cats" is my stock answer.
Followed quickly by "Zone defense, man."
Some people should get a life – I thought this was very funny! The negative comments are obviously over sensitive and can't take a joke!
You know what, I have no clue how I do it. I have 3 kids – 6.5 years old, freshly 2 years old and an I can get into everything now 10 month old. For the parents that were upset by this post, think of your craziest day "Timmy stop jumping on the couch, Billy don't shove the nuk in your sister's mouth, Mary don't chase Billy around, Timmy stop pulling Anne's hair…" or how about the good old "Sara-Tom-Billy-you, yeah you, the six year old, come here". I've been both a single mom as well as part of a couple (thank God, cause I'd be lost without him). My 6 year old lives with his grandmother while the two little ones live with me and their dad, but when we get all three, even with Mom, Dad and Grandma around, we still find ourselves "Lili don't crawl under the table. Cyril don't drag Elijah around. Elijah don't throw the remote at Mommy." etc etc. But on top of the kids, there's also our insane number of cats. By the end of the day, I'm exhausted, he's exhausted, our house is a mess and we wonder, when are we ever going to have a day where we accomplish something more than diaper changes, baths and bottle washing. Hell, I'm lucky if I get a chance to eat. But it makes it fun and exciting – there's never a dull moment. And yeah, we get Cyril to help take care of the little ones, but in ways like "Make sure Lili doesn't eat off the floor while I change Liji's diaper" or "Fill this bottle to this line with water" – to see the difference in their learning styles and the rate at which they learn with the more siblings they have is just amazing and wonderful. I can't say I'd suggest everyone have 3 or more kids and a zoo of animals, but if you're up for the challenge, it can be a riot. :)
Wow, what a puke. Some of us take the time to encourage, discipline, teach, repremand, and love our children so they can be TRUSTED to be unsupervised for short periods of time. I am a SAHM of 4 w/ one on the way and our house is certainly not anything that you made it out to be.
hooo please!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow I'm sad to see such a negative end to this post. I love your writing, I think you are hysterical and so often dead on, and I was frankly stunned by this post. I'm the SINGLE mom of 6 kids [yeah, their dad - who was the one who wanted this many kids - had a midlife crisis and ran off with his online girlfriend several states away, so talk to me about "outnumbered"!!!]. I am not a perfect parent but I AM an awesome parent. My children are kind, intelligent [straight A students in fact], and astoundingly well behaved. And I love them like crazy. They did NOT become the amazing people they are because I "cared less" than some parent of 1 or 2 kids – I give parenting 110% every single day of my life and it shows in my precious children. I'm honored to be their mom.
We have two sets of twins in the house and are seriously outnumbered. They just turned 8 years (identical boys) and 3 (boy/girl) this month. I always tell people it's like "herding cats" when we are out in public! I also use my home as a method of warning for those thinking of having more than two…(=
Thanks for the laugh this morning!
Four kids…10 (girl) followed by 3 boys (6,4,2) and 2 labs…it is a zoo!! You crack me up!
I have 3 kids, I am an awesome mom, and I think this is HILARIOUS. HILARIOUS!!!
I am not sure why people don't get he is being funny and satirical. OF COURSE all of you with three or more (myself included) do not lower your parenting styles. Consistency, love, discipline, structure, blah, blah, blah
HE WAS KIDDING. AND he was complimenting you too in case you didn't get the punch ;)
I couldn't agree with you more. Thanks for posting. I thought it was great!
I only had one child. He had 4. His wife and he agree that they may never get good sleep again….I think that right now with 3 under the age of 5 its more like just trying to keep them wrangled. They use a gadget that when my son was a toddler was considered offensive to some. The put a harness on the child with a tether. That way they can't go too far but are still mobile on their own. The grocery experience was a sight. Baby in the cart, toddler in the harness and the 3 yr old with her hands firmly on the cart under mommy's hands…thereby thinking she is pushing the cart but still under control. I, frankly, don't know how they do it. But I wouldn't give my grandbabies up for anything!
I have 5 kids, ages 9,7,5,3, and 1. I was raised in an "insane foster care"–my parents were foster parents, and besides my 6 actual siblings, we had around 60 kids who lived with us over the years, some for a few days, some for several years. I've learned to have a great sense of humor…growing up as I did, developing one was a matter of survival!
So naturally, I chuckled and nodded through this whole post, all the way up to the last paragraph, when I realized that a) a father of two kids is telling me that I *must* have lower standards of parenting than he, and b) he is defining "low parenting standards" as "leaving them unattended every now and then." Not cool, dude. I've put in a lot of time and heart to raise my kids in such a way that I *can* leave them unattended now and then without anyone imploding. And the alternative–never leaving them unattended for a second–can we say helicopter parenting?? Kinda stunts the imagination…
Also? Since when was it considered "caring less about their welfare" to expect a child to eat a meal that has been prepared? Because silly me, I thought that was "caring about their character." You know, teaching traits like thankfulness and contentment… And yes, my home is insane (and made of AWESOME!!!), but it is a HOME–one that fosters love, respect, generosity, humor, and more joy than you could possibly imagine!
I think maybe that's the point–you don't get the large family thing. And that's fine–I'll bet your kids are amazing and I can tell you love 'em like crazy. But when you don't get it, you probabaly ought not go there–at least not in such a negative way. It's kind of a bummer–I love your work, and even this post started out great; I can't figure out why it ended on such a strangely sour note.
And now, I must go clean up the mess on the kitchen floor…the 7 yo was supposed to be watching the 18 month old….I hope that's ketchup! ;-)
I love your post… This is awesome… My sister was a foster parent for many years and I lived with her as well.. We had many kids in and out of the home as you did… I am so glad you are such a great parent and have broken the cycle that so many continue… It is great to see this… :) Thank you for sharing… I love your sense of humor… You sound like an amazing person… Thanks again for sharing your story… :)
Thanks for this response. As the mother of 6 fantastic kids, I couldn't agree more.
I was thinking the same thing, Sarah! I am glad u said it. Mother of a 13 yr old, a 3 yr old and twin 2 yr olds.
I didnt plan to have this many kids, but I never thought for a second that I wouldnt MAKE it work, no matter what I had to do. The love you have for your kids naturally makes your standards high.
I have 3 girls, 5,4,and 2. I have no idea where I heard this but … with one you can double team them, with two you need to go to man-to-man and with three you have to switch to a zone defense. It's hard. Really hard. Thank God I only have to parent two of them between the hours of 3pm and 8pm – LMAO! Yea for public education!
I have 4 kids (19, 15, 10 and 6) In a way I guess I've only had two at a time that needed constant watching. The oldest has joined the Army, which actually made the home a quieter place because he and the 15 year old were mortal enemies. Now, I shuttle 3 kiddies around to various activities and doctors appointments. I can't afford to work… thank God hubby has a great job! My car insurance is about to triple because the 15 year old is driving now! YIKES
I can't imagine having 3 or 4 little kids at once but having them spread so far apart hasn't been that bad. They do actually start taking care of themselves. But, ya gotta keep an eye on them… if it's quiet for too long it's because they've just stripped the entire living room furniture of all it's pillows and pulled all the books off the bookshelf to build a monster fort. (then they expect YOU to pick it up)
ROFL!! I so totally understand the if its quiet for too long part!! I have 3 kids (13,9,4) My youngest is loud at all times so I know when he gets quiet its getting ready to hit the fan!!
I have 4 kids and my husband is currently working out of state, only home 2 weekends a month. Wanna know the secret? Auto pilot and alcohol after bedtime…. oh who am I kidding, the drinking starts at dinner time ;)
Once I had the third, I lost my mind and everything got worse. Within a year, I started forgetting all their names. I have the greatest chance of remembering the oldest's name so I call them all that OR "the short one," "the tall one," and "the boy."
I hear you, sister! I once went through all three of my girls names and the dogs names before I got to my husband's name. "Who are you?" works in our house also.
Ditto to pretty much everything Anne said. :) I'm the oldest of seven children in a very strict, and very loving family. I LOVE my family and still enjoy spending time with them whenever possible. (We are all spread out in four different states and two countries right now.)
As for us, my husband and I are currently expecting baby number six to add to our crazy mix. Our girls are currently 6, 5 & 3 1/2, and we have twin boys who will be 2 next month. The answer to your question on how to survive with more than one per adult, or more than one per hand: structure, discipline, consistency, love, and a whole lot of baby/toddler/child-proofing.
I love your response :o) and agree wholeheartedly! (We have all girls, 8, 6, and twins age 2)
Yeah, I have four sisters and I always heard a lot of:
Did you just roll your sister down the stairs in a SUITCASE?
Where is (insert sister's name)?
JUST GO OUTSIDE.
Yes to "Just go outside." we use it all the time with our 4 kids!
Hilarious! :) For the record, though, parenting 3 or more kids requires pretty strong parenting standards! I have 4 children ages 5, 3, 2, and 1. My husband travels every Mon – Fri for his job, so I am on my own the majority of the time. The way I make it work is to be very organized and prepared for each day in terms of school, meals, and routine. I also think I'm a little more strict with the kids than some parents because when you are outnumbered you can't lose control or its mutiny. So, my kids need to listen and follow the rules, and for the most part, they do! I keep the kids busy, we don't watch much TV, and they all get plenty of attention and have lots of fun. It can be done, and it can be done well! Thanks, though, for making me laugh.
I agree with Jeremy – I spaced my kids 10 years apart. The only time they are all in the house together is Christmas with the Grandson! It is its own wild ride.
I have a 2 year old and twin 4 month olds. I laughed so hard at this. I have no idea how I do it. One baby is batting a toy, the other baby is sleeping, and my toddler is kicking alphabet magnet letters around the floor behind me screaming…"MAMA MY ABC's!!!!!!!"
The answer is: Wine.
I think the trick is spacing. Well, either that or get a divorce so you split time with the ex. Totally joking (kinda).
As a single mom of 3 under 8, I have one word for you: Triage. You deal with the most life threatening thing first and work your way down. That and lots of coffee.
I have four and I count them repeatedly throughout the day. When we're hanging out with cousins, nieces, nephews etc, I have to make sure I am leaving with the right four children (they are the fourth generation of a large extended family and they all look alike to me). I look for ways to save or create time – for example, I try not to bathe them every day. Hygiene is overrated. Occasionally I blog about it (of course) but this usually results in one of them going unfed.
You are a very, very funny man. Thank you for making me laugh.
It's the gender trap! I have two boys who drive me crazy – sometimes with homicidal thoughts and other times with love and tenderness. I want a girl now and I may JUST be crazy enough to try it. But daaamn, the money. We'd be crazy to have a third for that reason alone…. 2/3 of my paycheque is spent JUST on daycare. Ick.
With one kid you double cover and know if one of you slips the other has your backside.
With two kids you play man-to-man. You're each on an island, but if you're good and have attitude you can shut your man down.
With three you play zone defense. It's all about discipline. Don't leave your position to try to cover someone else's job because that leaves your responsibilities open and a weak spot in the defense, letting the bad guys score.
Awesome.
Single mother of three. Hopelessly outnumbered, yes. There is a 5 years gap between my eldest girl and my son, a 7 year gap between my son and my baby girl. Each child got a ton of one on one time with me, and while I often feel as though I am losing my mind, I don't really have much to say for any parent who claims to feel differently. Yes, there is more work involved, but there is far, far more love. Add to that the fact that when I am gone there will be three people left behind who can turn to each other and carry on squabbling, supporting, et cetera, and I really don't think there's anything else to say.
As a 4th child myself, I couldn't agree more … yes, growing up in a large family helps develop negotiating and compromising skills, and … yes, having a large family is only for overachievers!!! I have great memories of my noisy, active childhood, and we were always well fed & nourished, both emotionally & physically. But, as a parent of 2 college-age children, I have to say that I personally couldn't AFFORD more than 2. I don't know how my parents did it!!! (All 4 of us are college graduates & 3 have their Doctorate degrees. None of us had to take out loans until our graduate studies.) Start saving now & have your kids apply for every scholarship opportunity there is!!! In the meanwhile, enjoy the chaos!!! :-)
I laughed a lot, then I got a little offended. I have four kids under 8 and yes, they do watch out for each other. But I think that is part of being any sized family. I only had one brother but I was always watching out for him. That's how it works! I think my kids are learning to be compassionate and nurturing and that, as a human being, it is important to care about the well being of others. They also learn negotiating and compromising skills that will help them as adults. You should hear the way these kids work out who gets the last donut. My kids are deliriously happy. They ALWAYS have someone to play with and they love each other madly. Our home is full of laughter. And, ok, usually someone is screaming at 5-10 minute intervals, but is that really different from your house? More importantly, I have friends with a mere one or two kids who live by the "eat it or starve, it's your choice" model of parenting so I don't think that attitude is necessarily driven by the number of children. Just pointing out that not all big families have poor parenting standards as not all smaller families have good standards.
This is AWESOME! I TOTALLY AGREE AND I praise my kids for their compassion and concern for each other DAILY becauae I came from a family that was as big but not as tight as I hope mine will be. :-)
Speaking from experience, we have three kiddos. The reason we have three is we wanted four, and realized we might possibly go insane if we tried for one more. It is a crazy life, but with just two it was too easy. Couples who enjoy a good challenge or are overachievers are the ONLY ones who should try this…LOL. There are plenty of times that someone is screaming and acting crazy, but it is usually someone being mean to the their sibling to get more attention. The like to play the attention game, which usually results in someone hurting someone else. What we do have in our favor is four years between the last two, that happen to both be boys. My husband can conveniently put the youngest on his shoulders and like magic…we are back to having two. When that third child is removed it suddenly becomes quiet and everyone gets along, similar to just having one, but you still might have to tell them to stop touching each other in the back of the car. It's like people who have more than two dogs or cats, it is more work. But there is also more love in our house……and fighting.