Day 216: 3 Minutes Inside My Head

It’s only fair after yesterday, right? All names have been changed to protect the innocent.

  1. Why hasn’t Chris emailed me back?
  2. Shark week is stupid.
  3. I think I’ll go downstairs and watch Shark Week.
  4. I’m hungry.
  5. I wanna play with my phone.
  6. I wanna buy something.
  7. Why hasn’t Henry emailed me back? He hates me.
  8. Oh God, my phone is ringing. Who died?
  9. I should tweet that.
  10. I want cereal and coffee, but I can’t because it’s 4pm.
  11. I hate rules.
  12. Rules make me feel safe.
  13. My phone makes me feel safe.
  14. Why hasn’t Greg emailed me back?
  15. Does anyone ever email anyone back?
  16. I have never been this tired in my life.
  17. Caleb is doing Conan? Kill me.
  18. I could do Conan if I tried.
  19. I love my family so much. I’m so lucky.
  20. I wish I could go see a movie by myself.
  21. No one reads my blog. It’s probably because I call it a blog.
  22. I should tweet that. No that’s stupid.
  23. I’m doing everything wrong.
  24. I need cool glasses.
  25. Beard?
  26. Where’s my phone?
  27. I should check my Facebook notifications.
  28. I don’t think I have ever liked a pair of shoes.
  29. I wanna do high school over again.
  30. I’m starving.
  31. Why do I feel too old to eat fun things?
  32. I should tweet that.
  33. Why isn’t anyone retweeting me?
  34. This is no way for a grown man to live his life.
  35. I love my wife.
  36. Oh shit, here she comes.
  37. We would all be happier in L.A.
  38. I think a new computer would help me do all this work.
  39. I’m too old to start anything.
  40. I haven’t farted in days.
  41. You know what I need? A new shirt. That always changes my attitude.
  42. Yoga?
  43. I burned 300 calories at the gym and put them all back in via that Frappucino I had at Target.
  44. Everything is falling apart.
  45. I’m talented.
  46. I need a new manager.
  47. Why hasn’t Pete emailed me back?
  48. Everyone hates me.
  49. I’m really cool.
  50. Oh man, that was a really depressing exercise. I should probably be in therapy.

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