Day 216: 3 Minutes Inside My Head

It’s only fair after yesterday, right? All names have been changed to protect the innocent.

  1. Why hasn’t Chris emailed me back?
  2. Shark week is stupid.
  3. I think I’ll go downstairs and watch Shark Week.
  4. I’m hungry.
  5. I wanna play with my phone.
  6. I wanna buy something.
  7. Why hasn’t Henry emailed me back? He hates me.
  8. Oh God, my phone is ringing. Who died?
  9. I should tweet that.
  10. I want cereal and coffee, but I can’t because it’s 4pm.
  11. I hate rules.
  12. Rules make me feel safe.
  13. My phone makes me feel safe.
  14. Why hasn’t Greg emailed me back?
  15. Does anyone ever email anyone back?
  16. I have never been this tired in my life.
  17. Caleb is doing Conan? Kill me.
  18. I could do Conan if I tried.
  19. I love my family so much. I’m so lucky.
  20. I wish I could go see a movie by myself.
  21. No one reads my blog. It’s probably because I call it a blog.
  22. I should tweet that. No that’s stupid.
  23. I’m doing everything wrong.
  24. I need cool glasses.
  25. Beard?
  26. Where’s my phone?
  27. I should check my Facebook notifications.
  28. I don’t think I have ever liked a pair of shoes.
  29. I wanna do high school over again.
  30. I’m starving.
  31. Why do I feel too old to eat fun things?
  32. I should tweet that.
  33. Why isn’t anyone retweeting me?
  34. This is no way for a grown man to live his life.
  35. I love my wife.
  36. Oh shit, here she comes.
  37. We would all be happier in L.A.
  38. I think a new computer would help me do all this work.
  39. I’m too old to start anything.
  40. I haven’t farted in days.
  41. You know what I need? A new shirt. That always changes my attitude.
  42. Yoga?
  43. I burned 300 calories at the gym and put them all back in via that Frappucino I had at Target.
  44. Everything is falling apart.
  45. I’m talented.
  46. I need a new manager.
  47. Why hasn’t Pete emailed me back?
  48. Everyone hates me.
  49. I’m really cool.
  50. Oh man, that was a really depressing exercise. I should probably be in therapy.
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Jenifer sanderfer says:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha I just laughed for 20 mins. after reading toddler write of passage!!!!!!!!!!

Brenda says:

Just found this blog and can't stop reading it despite needing to get some work done. This list cracked me up and Lee Ann's comment made me laugh even harder. Referencing a previous post, your wife may be right about typos but that made this one even funnier! Keep 'em coming, and thanks for helping the rest of us see the funnier side of life in general and family interactions in particular. Wow, do my cheeks hurt . . . .

Joanna says:

I laughed so hard my 5 yr old said to my husband ‘mommies noises are scaring me’ and my husband agreed. Then my 3 yr old peed on herself.

Twilight says:

Loving your blog! Haven't laughed so hard in weeks! My phone rang while I was reading it and when I answered, my friend said, "Are you okay? You sound like you're crying!" and I had to tell her it was from reading this blog and laughing so hard. :-P

Marieka Freestar says:

thx 4 sharing

gosh our brains are CRAZY

oh, my baby just awoke from his nap…

Love it.

Also, regarding #46 – What's wrong with your current manger? Is baby Jesus sleeping in it?

Samantha says:

Hilarious.

Summer says:

That's weird, I didn't even catch the typo. I read it as manager because of the context, since in his bio he said he was a stand up comic. I'd be a shitty copy editor.

shotsie says:

I love this one. I can relate all too well. Blathering nonsense of the mind.