Day 215: Approximately 3 Minutes Inside The Head of My 2 Year Old

Each of these “emotions” lasts about 3 seconds.

  1. I wanna play with Daddy’s phone.
  2. I wanna put on Mommy’s shoes.
  3. GET MOMMY’S SHOES OFF MY FEET NOW!
  4. I wanna open and close the thermostat.
  5. I wanna turn on and off the light on the microwave.
  6. Is there anyone here with a phone I haven’t played with yet?
  7. I NEED TO PUSH SOME GODDAMN BUTTONS.
  8. I wanna pick up the cat by its head.
  9. I wanna throw all the toothbrushes in the sink.
  10. HOLY SHIT I’M STARVING.
  11. CHEDDAR BUNNIES.
  12. I HATE FRUIT.
  13. I want out of my chair.
  14. I wanna play with the iPad.
  15. I wanna go outside. No, I wanna turn the heat on.
  16. I wanna take my pants off.
  17. I don’t like the shirt I’m wearing.
  18. I wanna play with Mommy’s phone.
  19. I NEED TO PUSH MORE BUTTONS NOW.
  20. I’m thirsty.
  21. No, not for that.
  22. Yes, perfect, juicebox. I’m gonna squeeze this damn thing all over myself.
  23. Where’s Daddy?
  24. Where’s the cat?
  25. Where’s Mommy?
  26. SERIOUSLY WHERE’S MOMMY!?
  27. Oh my God I think Mommy left forever.
  28. Ok, there’s mommy. I want to play with her phone.
  29. Hungry again. Never mind.
  30. I just remembered not liking these pants. Get them off.
  31. STOP TAKING OFF MY PANTS!
  32. Wow, I’m starving. I want peas but I don’t know how to tell anyone.
  33. Finally, peas. I like throwing these.
  34. WHY DO I STILL HAVE THESE PANTS ON?
  35. Oh look, a new person. I wonder if they have a phone.
  36. I’m tired.
  37. I’M NOT TIRED!
  38. I wanna go for a walk but I don’t wanna go outside.
  39. No, not inside either!
  40. I need to push some buttons right now.
  41. I hate this diaper.
  42. My eyes itch.
  43. WOW! Is this my toe?
  44. STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF!
  45. I hate these pants.
  46. This shirt itches.
  47. I’m tired.
  48. Stop asking me if I’m tired.
  49. Where’s that toy that goes beep?
  50. I wanna take a bath in my clothes.
  51. Put on my favorite song.
  52. Where’s the cat?
  53. What is UP with my shirt?
  54. Did I just hear a dog bark?
  55. YOU DID NOT JUST TRY TO TAKE OFF MY SHIRT AGAIN!
  56. I wanna see a dog.
  57. No, not OUTSIDE! I wanna see a dog inside.
  58. Is my penis still there? Good.
  59. I peed.
  60. I’m bored.
  61. Repeat

Comments

comments

346 thoughts on “Day 215: Approximately 3 Minutes Inside The Head of My 2 Year Old

  • OMG I was laughing so hard I was crying! This is totally the mind of my 2 year old! Thanks!

  • This is hysterical… Loved it! :)

    And oh so true!

  • Love this, and sent this to Soren's parents. He was here visiting, and we could projectile vomiting with no warning–in the car.

  • My kid (Sylas, not Silas) had an obsession with watching various devices TURN OFF (phones, ipods, etc) at 2 1/2.

  • Sooo true and very funny. I get to do that times 2 since I have twins :)

  • this is the BEST – so so true!

  • Anonymous says:

    Love it! You also forgot – "I wanna hit my sister", "Mummy, she hit me!"

  • I've never had a son…my daughter's 24…I don't have grandkids yet…but still, sitting alone at my dining table at 2am, I laughed hysterically at this.

    And as for the holier-than-thou scolding you got for your language, all I can say is: Christ, I am so goddamn sick of people who think they have some kind of private pipeline to God's thoughts and opinions. Personally, I wouldn't want to worship any entity that didn't find your list hilarious.

  • My sisters famous quote:

    "Whoever said terrible twos never met a 3 year old!"

    At 3 –

    consciousness is beginning to flow widely … meet it with centeredness, and thwart nothing. when you can

    Combined with the will and skill to wreak unholy havoc!

    Every age is GREAT in its own way!! Don't be absent for moment. And keep on laughing.

    Thanks Jason.

    • Sorry to confuse- I took this from an earlier comment-

      "consciousness is beginning to flow widely … meet it with centeredness, and thwart nothing. when you can"

  • This is the funniest thing ever. I didn't realize how universal all these thoughts were!! Posted to FB and people are loving it. Well done.

  • This post has become insanely popular. I'm really happy you've all enjoyed it so much. I would write more, but I have to put batteries in the remote.

  • Great post! I very much enjoyed reading it.

  • IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    IM NOT TIRED!

    and for the last time, which is really never the last time

    IM NOT TIRED!

  • gregorylent says:

    consciousness is beginning to flow widely … meet it with centeredness, and thwart nothing. when you can :-)

    • Jason Good says:

      I like that… thanks

  • I can't stop reading this! I have a 2 year old boy and man is this ever dead-on and damned funny!

Comments are closed.