Day 215: Approximately 3 Minutes Inside The Head of My 2 Year Old

Each of these “emotions” lasts about 3 seconds.

  1. I wanna play with Daddy’s phone.
  2. I wanna put on Mommy’s shoes.
  3. GET MOMMY’S SHOES OFF MY FEET NOW!
  4. I wanna open and close the thermostat.
  5. I wanna turn on and off the light on the microwave.
  6. Is there anyone here with a phone I haven’t played with yet?
  7. I NEED TO PUSH SOME GODDAMN BUTTONS.
  8. I wanna pick up the cat by its head.
  9. I wanna throw all the toothbrushes in the sink.
  10. HOLY SHIT I’M STARVING.
  11. CHEDDAR BUNNIES.
  12. I HATE FRUIT.
  13. I want out of my chair.
  14. I wanna play with the iPad.
  15. I wanna go outside. No, I wanna turn the heat on.
  16. I wanna take my pants off.
  17. I don’t like the shirt I’m wearing.
  18. I wanna play with Mommy’s phone.
  19. I NEED TO PUSH MORE BUTTONS NOW.
  20. I’m thirsty.
  21. No, not for that.
  22. Yes, perfect, juicebox. I’m gonna squeeze this damn thing all over myself.
  23. Where’s Daddy?
  24. Where’s the cat?
  25. Where’s Mommy?
  26. SERIOUSLY WHERE’S MOMMY!?
  27. Oh my God I think Mommy left forever.
  28. Ok, there’s mommy. I want to play with her phone.
  29. Hungry again. Never mind.
  30. I just remembered not liking these pants. Get them off.
  31. STOP TAKING OFF MY PANTS!
  32. Wow, I’m starving. I want peas but I don’t know how to tell anyone.
  33. Finally, peas. I like throwing these.
  34. WHY DO I STILL HAVE THESE PANTS ON?
  35. Oh look, a new person. I wonder if they have a phone.
  36. I’m tired.
  37. I’M NOT TIRED!
  38. I wanna go for a walk but I don’t wanna go outside.
  39. No, not inside either!
  40. I need to push some buttons right now.
  41. I hate this diaper.
  42. My eyes itch.
  43. WOW! Is this my toe?
  44. STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF!
  45. I hate these pants.
  46. This shirt itches.
  47. I’m tired.
  48. Stop asking me if I’m tired.
  49. Where’s that toy that goes beep?
  50. I wanna take a bath in my clothes.
  51. Put on my favorite song.
  52. Where’s the cat?
  53. What is UP with my shirt?
  54. Did I just hear a dog bark?
  55. YOU DID NOT JUST TRY TO TAKE OFF MY SHIRT AGAIN!
  56. I wanna see a dog.
  57. No, not OUTSIDE! I wanna see a dog inside.
  58. Is my penis still there? Good.
  59. I peed.
  60. I’m bored.
  61. Repeat
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Terri says:

that's hysterical. I was reading it aloud to my husband and he said yup sounds just like our daughter – till I got to the very end of course!

Nettazig says:

This is SO great. Add the equivalent of a can of soda worth of energy in a 2 1/2 year old body (not literally!!) and that's my son….all day, every day. Does it make me look like a bad mommy to look so forward to naptime and bedtime?? I plan on sharing this page with every toddler mom I know!

Kklein says:

OMG I was laughing so hard I was crying! This is totally the mind of my 2 year old! Thanks!

Bruna says:

This is hysterical… Loved it! :)

And oh so true!

I meant to say, we could ADD projectile vomiting to the list. :)

Love this, and sent this to Soren's parents. He was here visiting, and we could projectile vomiting with no warning–in the car.

q says:

My kid (Sylas, not Silas) had an obsession with watching various devices TURN OFF (phones, ipods, etc) at 2 1/2.

PJB says:

Sooo true and very funny. I get to do that times 2 since I have twins :)

Gerri says:

this is the BEST – so so true!

Anonymous says:

Love it! You also forgot – "I wanna hit my sister", "Mummy, she hit me!"

amurel says:

I've never had a son…my daughter's 24…I don't have grandkids yet…but still, sitting alone at my dining table at 2am, I laughed hysterically at this.

And as for the holier-than-thou scolding you got for your language, all I can say is: Christ, I am so goddamn sick of people who think they have some kind of private pipeline to God's thoughts and opinions. Personally, I wouldn't want to worship any entity that didn't find your list hilarious.

Dadder says:

My sisters famous quote:

"Whoever said terrible twos never met a 3 year old!"

At 3 -

consciousness is beginning to flow widely … meet it with centeredness, and thwart nothing. when you can

Combined with the will and skill to wreak unholy havoc!

Every age is GREAT in its own way!! Don't be absent for moment. And keep on laughing.

Thanks Jason.

Dadder says:

Sorry to confuse- I took this from an earlier comment-

"consciousness is beginning to flow widely … meet it with centeredness, and thwart nothing. when you can"

Melissa says:

This is just brilliant!

Rebecca says:

This is the funniest thing ever. I didn't realize how universal all these thoughts were!! Posted to FB and people are loving it. Well done.

Jason Good says:

This post has become insanely popular. I'm really happy you've all enjoyed it so much. I would write more, but I have to put batteries in the remote.

Thea says:

Great post! I very much enjoyed reading it.

TBS says:

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

IM NOT TIRED!

and for the last time, which is really never the last time

IM NOT TIRED!

gregorylent says:

consciousness is beginning to flow widely … meet it with centeredness, and thwart nothing. when you can :-)

Jason Good says:

I like that… thanks