Day 215: Approximately 3 Minutes Inside The Head of My 2 Year Old

Each of these “emotions” lasts about 3 seconds.

  1. I wanna play with Daddy’s phone.
  2. I wanna put on Mommy’s shoes.
  3. GET MOMMY’S SHOES OFF MY FEET NOW!
  4. I wanna open and close the thermostat.
  5. I wanna turn on and off the light on the microwave.
  6. Is there anyone here with a phone I haven’t played with yet?
  7. I NEED TO PUSH SOME GODDAMN BUTTONS.
  8. I wanna pick up the cat by its head.
  9. I wanna throw all the toothbrushes in the sink.
  10. HOLY SHIT I’M STARVING.
  11. CHEDDAR BUNNIES.
  12. I HATE FRUIT.
  13. I want out of my chair.
  14. I wanna play with the iPad.
  15. I wanna go outside. No, I wanna turn the heat on.
  16. I wanna take my pants off.
  17. I don’t like the shirt I’m wearing.
  18. I wanna play with Mommy’s phone.
  19. I NEED TO PUSH MORE BUTTONS NOW.
  20. I’m thirsty.
  21. No, not for that.
  22. Yes, perfect, juicebox. I’m gonna squeeze this damn thing all over myself.
  23. Where’s Daddy?
  24. Where’s the cat?
  25. Where’s Mommy?
  26. SERIOUSLY WHERE’S MOMMY!?
  27. Oh my God I think Mommy left forever.
  28. Ok, there’s mommy. I want to play with her phone.
  29. Hungry again. Never mind.
  30. I just remembered not liking these pants. Get them off.
  31. STOP TAKING OFF MY PANTS!
  32. Wow, I’m starving. I want peas but I don’t know how to tell anyone.
  33. Finally, peas. I like throwing these.
  34. WHY DO I STILL HAVE THESE PANTS ON?
  35. Oh look, a new person. I wonder if they have a phone.
  36. I’m tired.
  37. I’M NOT TIRED!
  38. I wanna go for a walk but I don’t wanna go outside.
  39. No, not inside either!
  40. I need to push some buttons right now.
  41. I hate this diaper.
  42. My eyes itch.
  43. WOW! Is this my toe?
  44. STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF!
  45. I hate these pants.
  46. This shirt itches.
  47. I’m tired.
  48. Stop asking me if I’m tired.
  49. Where’s that toy that goes beep?
  50. I wanna take a bath in my clothes.
  51. Put on my favorite song.
  52. Where’s the cat?
  53. What is UP with my shirt?
  54. Did I just hear a dog bark?
  55. YOU DID NOT JUST TRY TO TAKE OFF MY SHIRT AGAIN!
  56. I wanna see a dog.
  57. No, not OUTSIDE! I wanna see a dog inside.
  58. Is my penis still there? Good.
  59. I peed.
  60. I’m bored.
  61. Repeat
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Teri Landow says:

Oh my. This brings back memories that are only 3 years old. Only multiply by 2 for me. (Imagine this with twins…. I *might* still have my sanity)

Sarah says:

My oldest is almost two and I have 5 month-old twins…oh what I have to look forward to!

this. is. awesome.

now I finally know what my son is thinking.

Erica says:

Cracking up! Spot on. SPOT ON.

Jenn says:

Printing this for the fridge (for my mental health on long days like this) & the baby book so that I can explain JUST what my son was like at 17 months old! Perfect!

Missy says:

I saw this on my friend's wall, and it's the funniest thing I've read all week. Nice job! I know all the parents out there can relate.

Pari Sawant says:

I wish Daddy's would be excluded from the list above. It would make things so much simpler for us. If there was a parallel list for how Mom's are thinking, I do believe Daddy would be associated with each thought (more in a negative way :)

Squeakymom says:

Perfect. Just add "I want a cracker", "No, not THAT cracker, the identical one four further down the packet", and "where's Daisy?" and that sums up pretty much the entire thought process of my 19 month old daughter.

shash says:

couldn't be any more accurate.. have a 16 month old boy… who thinks exactly the same way… DADDY also is no different.. same thinking pattern…. HELP!!!

Christy Ann says:

I think my favorite by far was number 58!! My son is only 16 months old and as soon as his diaper comes off he plops onto his bum and takes a good long look and grab before moving on to play….lol

linda says:

That is my life with my 2 year old twins

Add

I wanna ride the bus

No that bus. I wanna that ride the other one

Mommy ride Train. I wanna ride the train.

No bus not choo-choo

No I want Gordon where's Thomas I wanna the blue train meaning res

NatashaLMRose says:

I think there should be 10 more steps with saying Mommy for no reason….

mommy

mommy

mommy

What?

MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY

Damien McKenna says:

That is absolutely awesome! It doesn't change too much for 4yo's either, only with additional "lego" steps thrown in.

Benna B says:

Very cute. I forwarded the link to my mommy group on Facebook.

Jenny B says:

This made me laugh so hard I cried! Because it is so true.

Rainyday says:

Wickedly funny and eerily accurate. Loved it. #8 made me spit out my wine. You're forgiven.

Very accurate. Toddlers are so damned indignant.

Ashli says:

I love it!

Diana says:

and the tv show has a name but its not the real name and you'll never be able to google it.

Very funny!

Alex says:

Jason, this is hilarious!! My husband and I have a 1-yr-old and were dying laughing out loud as we read this. I shared it with our readers on MommyBeta and suggested folks check out this entire post. I'm still laughing…