Day 215: Approximately 3 Minutes Inside The Head of My 2 Year Old

by Jason Good on August 7, 2011

in 365°,Parenting and Kids

Each of these “emotions” lasts about 3 seconds.
  1. I wanna play with Daddy’s phone.
  2. I wanna put on Mommy’s shoes.
  3. GET MOMMY’S SHOES OFF MY FEET NOW!
  4. I wanna open and close the thermostat.
  5. I wanna turn on and off the light on the microwave.
  6. Is there anyone here with a phone I haven’t played with yet?
  7. I NEED TO PUSH SOME GODDAMN BUTTONS.
  8. I wanna pick up the cat by its head.
  9. I wanna throw all the toothbrushes in the sink.
  10. HOLY SHIT I’M STARVING.
  11. CHEDDAR BUNNIES.
  12. I HATE FRUIT.
  13. I want out of my chair.
  14. I wanna play with the iPad.
  15. I wanna go outside. No, I wanna turn the heat on.
  16. I wanna take my pants off.
  17. I don’t like the shirt I’m wearing.
  18. I wanna play with Mommy’s phone.
  19. I NEED TO PUSH MORE BUTTONS NOW.
  20. I’m thirsty.
  21. No, not for that.
  22. Yes, perfect, juicebox. I’m gonna squeeze this damn thing all over myself.
  23. Where’s Daddy?
  24. Where’s the cat?
  25. Where’s Mommy?
  26. SERIOUSLY WHERE’S MOMMY!?
  27. Oh my God I think Mommy left forever.
  28. Ok, there’s mommy. I want to play with her phone.
  29. Hungry again. Never mind.
  30. I just remembered not liking these pants. Get them off.
  31. STOP TAKING OFF MY PANTS!
  32. Wow, I’m starving. I want peas but I don’t know how to tell anyone.
  33. Finally, peas. I like throwing these.
  34. WHY DO I STILL HAVE THESE PANTS ON?
  35. Oh look, a new person. I wonder if they have a phone.
  36. I’m tired.
  37. I’M NOT TIRED!
  38. I wanna go for a walk but I don’t wanna go outside.
  39. No, not inside either!
  40. I need to push some buttons right now.
  41. I hate this diaper.
  42. My eyes itch.
  43. WOW! Is this my toe?
  44. STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF!
  45. I hate these pants.
  46. This shirt itches.
  47. I’m tired.
  48. Stop asking me if I’m tired.
  49. Where’s that toy that goes beep?
  50. I wanna take a bath in my clothes.
  51. Put on my favorite song.
  52. Where’s the cat?
  53. What is UP with my shirt?
  54. Did I just hear a dog bark?
  55. YOU DID NOT JUST TRY TO TAKE OFF MY SHIRT AGAIN!
  56. I wanna see a dog.
  57. No, not OUTSIDE! I wanna see a dog inside.
  58. Is my penis still there? Good.
  59. I peed.
  60. I’m bored.
Repeat.
← Older Comments

  • Pingback: what your home really looks like when you have kids | northofseven

  • kirsty hughes

    Very funny, I remember those days well, even though they were 30………………..something years ago!!! LOL K XXX

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kristin-Allen/100000307310697 Kristin Allen

    Can’t stop laughing!

  • http://www.facebook.com/deena.kamm Deena Kamm

    brilliant

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003781750677 Jenna Sweeps

    I love this!

  • Leslie

    I think #58 happens to all men on a daily basis!

  • http://www.mommyswhinebar.blogspot.com/ Samantha

    “Where’s Mommy?SERIOUSLY WHERE’S MOMMY!?Oh my God I think Mommy left forever.”This is my 21 month old! This made me laugh, oh and the bit about throwing the peas. Do they ever stop throwing food? Please tell me it’s a phase!

  • Liz

    Jeez, I didn’t think it was that funny.

    • Hgf

      Cool opinion!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003781750677 Jenna Sweeps

      Do you have a sense of humor?

  • Amanda Shay

    By the time I got to “I peed,” I had almost peed from laughing.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003781750677 Jenna Sweeps

      Ha! Me too!

  • Aimeehagertyjohnson

    This made me laugh until I cried. Especially “cheddar bunnies.”

  • grant

    hilarious !

  • Pingback: Day 215: Approximately 3 Minutes Inside The Head of My 2 Year Old « Ingridsofie’s Blog

  • Pingback: 2 Hours Inside my Husband’s Brain « The Grass is not Greener

  • http://www.beckyrichardson.com Becky

    The best writing EVER!

  • Pingback: Inside a Toddler's Brain - BabyandBump

  • Misty

    My toddler talks. A lot. The last 3 minutes preceding lunch for my 2.5 and 1.5 year old went as follows:

    I wanna be a jack-in-the-box.
    I’m hungry.
    I want a quesadilla.
    I want to eat at the little table outside.
    No, I wanna do bubbles.
    Eat outside.
    I’m cold.
    Take my sweater off.
    Eat inside at big table mommy.
    Quesadilla!
    I don’t wanna wash my hands.
    My tummy hurts.
    Wanna watch Polar Express.
    Not SOAP!
    My SWEATER!
    No, I wanna eat at the big table.
    I like the orange plate.
    I want the orange one.
    And Polar Express.
    Polar Express mommy.
    I want the orange one.
    I want the orange one.
    Lily needs an orange one too.
    I need an apple to eat my quesadilla.
    The orange one!
    I hate these socks.
    But my socks DO go on the table.
    Lily needs her milk mommy.
    I need my milk.

    Now that they are quietly eating their quesadillas, watching Polar Express, I decided to come back to this post so I could have a laugh and regain enough sanity to make it until nap time.

  • Cat

    OMG LMFAO. I literally am laughing so hard I am crying right now! You have captured the pure genius of living in the moment as a 2 year old. Thanks for sharing!

  • Pingback: Approximately 3 Minutes Inside My Head While in Class « laurenkcampbell

  • http://ikissedmydategoodnight.com Ruth Rutherford

    HA! My fav is: “Wow! Is this my toe?” Love it.

  • Pingback: Friday Favorites: funny mom and dad blogs

  • Pingback: Day 365: Series Finale

  • Heather

    I am 26 and this is STILL me. (There may be a touch of ADD going on here.) Mom hopes I will “grow up” with my nephew. I think she sets her goals of me too high.

  • http://slightlycrunchymama.com Jen

    Laugh til I cried. In my office. Luckily I didn’t wear mascara today.

  • Pingback: Carina’s 2011 Recap « « TodaysMama TodaysMama

  • Mommyof2

    OMG I was laughing so hard I almost felt off my chair! hahaha this sounds exactly like my 2 year old son!! Brilliant , loving it! definitely forwarding many of these posts to daddy! lol XD

  • Pingback: 3 Minutes Inside the Head of a Two Year Old | We Got Kidz!

  • Jennifer

    Love the blog post and the mommy post. Pretty much have thought and said everyone of the mommy comments. I have 2 1/2 y.o. b/g twins and this is an every day occurrance for us. Thanks for the laughs!

  • http://orangedad.com Paul Mannino

    Brilliant. Are you sure this isn’t a seventh-grader, though?

  • tina

    what do you mean 2 year old, i know kids of all ages that do these tyoe of things,, some of these things i can’t even see a 2 year old doing, but you never know now a of days,, but i sure can and have experienced these things with my own and my grandchildren

  • http://kellyannjarrett.myarbonne.com KellyAnn

    HA! If you are at work, you can’t blame that fart on anyone! :P

  • Bassbassgirl

    I just found this today and am laughing my ass off. I have a 10 month old son and this is where we are headed already! Oh god what will my mental state be by the time he actually hits two ?!!!

  • Anna

    I just came across this site for the first time today and I swear my 2 yr old either read this over my shoulder or read my mind because she has been trying to top these all day. She had some stuffed animals that were watching her take a bath and just “decided” to join her! They keep jumping in and out too, the whole bathroom is soaked! Not looking forward to my 10mo old twins doing this stuff too!

  • http://kellyannjarrett.myarbonne.com KellyAnn

    My son is 21 months and I am 33 pregnant weeks with another boy. Nobody should be this funny. I cried, peed and farted I laughed so hard. Thanks pal.

    • Melissa

      My daughter is 5 months old, my son is 2.5 years old…and I just about cried, peed and farted because I laughed so hard….and I’m at work!

      • http://smoochagator.wordpress.com Smoochagator

        “I just about cried, peed and farted because I laughed so hard….and I’m at work!”

        Me too!

      • http://kellyannjarrett.myarbonne.com KellyAnn

        HA! and if you are at work you can’t blame that fart on anyone!! :P

    • luvbnamommy

      Lmfao! Between reading the above article and your comment an watching my 19 month old pick up a cell phone and run off with it has made my day completely! I’m.also pregnant due Feb and if I hadn’t of just emptied my blatter I would of peed myself. Lol Thx for your honesty too!

      • http://kellyannjarrett.myarbonne.com KellyAnn

        Today was the first day my son screamed his head off at me while he had a death grip on my phone as I tried to pry his Kix soaked fingers off the damn thing. What a friggin psycho! oh, and the farting while reading was no joke, I was laughing and it just kept going and going…being pregnant can be disgusting ;)

  • http://www.korenreyes.com Koren Reyes

    I don’t even have a kid but you made me laugh out loud. Thanks!!!

  • Liz

    The original post and “mommy” comments were spot on. If you are a parent, you can just laugh and understand how much sense this makes and how you feel on a daily basis. Some people don’t have any sense of humor, there is a reason the person put their comment as “anonymous”. Really???!!

← Older Comments

Previous post:

Next post: