I know our friendship has changed since I had a family. I never answer the phone; I don’t return texts as quickly; I almost never “hang out” anymore. That’s because my priorities have changed. I would have warned you, but I didn’t know it was going to be so severe. I still love you as much as I always did, but between my job/art and kids, I’m fucking tired at night. I still want to see you, but can you please just come to my place? I know it’s far, but I needed a house and yard or I was gonna lose my mind. It will be hard to have a conversation because my kids will be angry that I’m not giving then all my attention. I wish I could just tell them to be quiet and go play, but that’s not really how it works.
It’s true, I hang out a lot more now with families who have kids the same age as mine. That’s because when the kids are playing, the adults have a little time to talk. If there are no other kids around, I’m responsible for all the entertainment, and it’s exhausting. Also, people with kids understand that I’ll have to leave in the middle of their sentence to get a juice box. They understand because they just did the same thing to me 5 minutes ago. It’s not because I like them more than I like you, it’s because they understand the situation, and it makes everything easy. I need things to be easy a lot these days, especially when it comes to “entertaining.”
I know you want us to just get a babysitter and drive out to your place and drink wine until 3am. I want to do that too, but I can’t. Not for a few more years. My kids are too young and they still wake up at night for various reasons, and I want to be there when that happens as much as possible. So for now, you kind of have to come to my house. Understand that when you do, most of what we do will be about the kids and not about us. I’ll have to put the hotdogs on the grill before the steaks because if I don’t, someone will freak out and throw themselves on the ground. You’ll also probably have to spend some time by yourself while I take one of my kids inside to talk to them or read them a book or put on a TV show. To me, it’s all worth it for that 15 to 20 minutes I get to spend with you totally uninterrupted.
I remember when we used to spend hours talking, drinking and playing pool. We’ll do that again, just hang in there with me during these few years when I want to focus a lot of my energy on raising my kids to be interesting and happy. I’m terrified I’m gonna fuck it up. My life is like finals week in college, and I spent all semester smoking weed and listening to the Spin Doctors.
I used to be a childless dude who had friends with kids. It’s weird, I get it. It’s also really fun to play with someone else’s kids, and almost all of you do that really well. I encourage you to do it more, even if it feels awkward and embarrassing. They’re going to diss you all the time. Don’t take it personally, humans aren’t born with manners. Have them run little errands for you. It’s hilariously awesome that they can go in the fridge and get you a beer. They like doing it and it will make them think you’re cool. Trust me, there’s no better feeling.
I miss you all and want to see you just as much as I ever did. I also understand that I’m a bit of a pain in the ass to hang out with. I yawn a lot and don’t remember most stuff. Let’s just acknowledge that I am a distracted Alzheimer’s patient and try to see each other more.
__________________________________________If you enjoyed this, like my Facebook page Share this post
{ 81 comments… read them below or add one }
My husband & I planned on not having kids. We are TIRED of our friends with kids TELLING us how wonderful it is to have kids & that we should rethink about this decision blah blah. I’m not even going to entertain questions or comments abt this decision of ours. This is what we want and this is how we want to live our lives- kid-free, please be respectful of that.
I am currently having problems with a friend who is a mom of 2. Seems to me like she misses her friends who are either busy with their own kids or are childless & don’t want to spend as much time with them. She constantly calls me. What’s irritating is that in the middle of the talk, she makes me wait until she’s done satisfying the need of her child or would say gotto go and won’t even wait for me to say bye. I get it.. she has kids. Fine. But hey, this is the very reason I don’t call you anymore. And YOU ARE the one calling me so don’t waste my time by using half the time out of the 30minute conversation putting me on hold because you need to attend to your child. Just spend your time with your child, don’t bug me!
She wants my husband & I to spend EVERY Saturday or Sunday or both days with them and when I tell her we have other plans, she’d suggest how about coming when you’re done with whatever you have to do? When we decline, she’d ask and and ask and ask us to make time. Several times, when I don’t answer my phone, she (tagging along her children) comes to my house on surprise visits!
I still want to be friends, but I need space & time. I don’t need to be with you & your kids every weekend. If you’re not happy being with your husband & kids, don’t share the agony with me.
Since she is persistent & won’t accept no for an answer, I stopped taking her calls. Esp if its on a Friday, Sat or Sun, when I know she must be outside my house waiting for me to pick up the phone and open the door. I call her back on weekdays. I also stopped opening my door unless I know for sure it’s an invited guest or UPS, USPS or Fedex.
To parents out there, if you miss your friends from your single life, please.. accept that not everyone will want your whole troop’s company all the time. Otherwise, just do us a favor and start making new friends.
I'm posting anonymously only because I don't have an online presence and don't really care to bother with one. I don't usually comment on things, but parenting…well, I have strong opinions.
This is the first post I've read on this blog and I love it. But it sure seems to have evoked many strong emotions!
This is from someone who has survived raising children and is now enjoying the rewards of grand-parenting. Didn't do it perfect and made lots of mistakes.
Having children, to borrow from Forrest's mom, is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get. And what you have to do is just keep doing the very best you can. Listen to your gut and do what you believe is the right thing.
Children need love and attention and they will learn more from your examples than anything that comes out of your mouth. (So if you can't post your opinion without trashing another person and firing off a bunch of profanity, you might want to think about what YOUR children are learning.)
Don't waste so much time on worrying about what others think, and don't be so quick to judge another's way of parenting. And for goodness sake, don't loose your sense of humor. It will sometimes be the only thing that saves your sanity.
And this IS all about humor. So funny….So true! Well said!
where is my post?
It's there. Might have been a caching issue. I love your comment!
In response to desiree,
Not all parents try to pond their children off on their childless friends. In fact, I have children and a few childless friends, and if they even offer to help with anything I turn them down. I hope you are not one of the types, who push your help on a friend, who is a parent and then accuses them of "guilting you into helping them". You may have other friends too, but so do we. Don't act like we as parents need to bend over backwards to keep you either. Yes, being friends with parents when you are not one yourself is hard and I acknowledge this. However, have you thought of it from the opposite perspective? Maybe we don't want to bring the kids to your home because we are tired of hearing you complain that my kids are putting their hands on your things, or maybe you have a pet that gets too worked up around my children. Maybe I am being courteous to you and your child-free home by insisting that you meet at mines. The choice is not selfish, but it seems like a happy mean. We get to spend time together and your things don't get messy/destroyed by a curios two year old. Yes, parents complain about being tired, but childless friends complain too. For example, I am personally sick of hearing some of my childless friends constantly complain about how they wish they had children, and questioning why I am so lucky to have children before they did. The worst is when my childless friend is single. Then I won't hear the end of it, "oh I am met to be alone for the rest of my life." or "I am so jealous." Look I can't drive your destiny. I don't know why some people like me have husbands and children while others don't. Sometimes I feel like a few childless people can be green eyed monsters to their friends with families and takes the anger out.
Lastly, I feel that some of my childless friends tend to avoid me because of my situation, but run to me when they are in a bind financially or otherwise. I have children, so my husband and I have to make sure to have adequate income, investments, good running vehicles, a roomy home, and we have to be organized. We get that our childless friends have freedom and good for them. If we didn't have children we would probably party it up too. I just don't want to be the bailout for my childless friends. For example, my ex best friend had lots of fun bar hopping with her childless friends and she stopped inviting me places because I could not be random. When she went to jail she called me because she knew I had the money to bail her out, I had a ride to get her from the jail, and I could hold her up for a few days until her parents let her come back home. I am not saying that all childless people are irresponsible, but in my particular situation they took more risk than I would be willing and end the end they would need my advice and assistance to lead them back to seriousness to stop them from drowning.
let me preface this by saying that I LOVED this post. High five Jason! I know it's tough and I have faith that all my friends who I used to party my @$$ off with, but now have kids, will undoubtably mess their kids up…just like our folks did. Just kidding. You're all doing a fantastic job and it's the most thankless job in the world. Keep it up Moms and Dads. Please keep this in mind when reading/sharing (I'm not a baby-hater or a parent-hater) :)
http://jasongood.net/365/2011/06/day-166-to-all-m…
{This is actually for my friends who don't have kids but have friends who have kids}
I know all of this stuff that Jason is writing about. I get it. I'm not an idiot or oblivious to the fact that your life has changed once you have a kid. I do have minor breakdowns when I find out my close friends are going to be parents. Yes, I am thrilled for them (my gosh, I'm not a completely soul-less person) but I also know I won't see them like I used to. It's sad. I have issues with losing people and in my head this is another way of losing friends (temporarily).
You are not my only friends. I have other friends who don't have kids, just like you have found friends that do. It's okay. We can be adults about this and move on. In a few years we can both laugh about the hiatus we took in our friendship bc we were in different places. Again, I go back to what my mom always taught me, "You'll be lucky if you can count on 1 hand how many true friends you have at the end of your days".
Don't ask me to come to your house because it's too hard for you to bring your child and the 38 bags you bring wherever you go. And I won't ask you to go to O'Sheas with me. I don't like a screaming child in a bar just like you don't like your screaming child in your car. :) ps: I will come to your house again, someday. I don't want to feel obligated to change your child's diaper just because I feel guilted into needing to 'give you a break' bc you're a tired parent.
I don't plan on changing any diapers until I have my own child. And this is the God's honest truth: I would truly rather adopt a child who is 2 years or older…or whenever the age of potty training is complete. I don't want to wipe a butt, I don't want to have puke on me, and I don't think its cute when baby pee's or poo's while you're changing them. Except for when I see it in person and it's happening to someone else…in which case I will uncomfortably laugh with you bc I don't want you to have a meltdown…and later I will write about it in a blog post (u know who u are…).
I think my family has earned a thank you from me. My Oftedal/Sheehan and Webb/Lemley families have done a really good job of not asking, "So when are you two popping out some puppies?". Probably bc they know they'll get "popped" in the face by my sarcasm fist. But, still, your lack of questioning and judgement about my life's choices regarding procreation do not go unnoticed. Thanks for that.
And to all my friends/family that have had kids in the last 2+ years…I love you. I miss you. I kind of like your kid(s). Sure, they're all cute and I will be happy to tell you how adorable your offspring is anytime you need affirmation. But, I don't have freakishly strong arms like all the moms do and your kid is really heavy after like, 5 minutes. I will probably like your kids more once they can use the bathroom on their own and have a somewhat cute conversation with me, even if it's just about toys. I understand that your life has changed. I am SO proud of you. I am happy for you. But please, don't expect my life to change, too. It will someday…just not yet. And I am steadfastly holding onto that "yet".
And to my husband…thanks for letting me feel this way, for as long as it's going to take. I know you will be an AMAZING daddy one day. I know you want that day to be sooner than I do and I know that you love me enough to wait along with me. You and I aren't going anywhere. Well, except to Napa and Portland, New York and Denver, Key Largo and the Bahamas, Pensacola and Gainesville…and all those other places we get to visit…because we don't have kids!!! :)
Love the blog; love this post. As a pastor even, I'm not offended by the language. Parenting is what it is! I'm only offended by the judgmental behavior of some of the comments. Anyway, all my pastor-parent friends are enjoying very much; keep up the good work! (Have 2 1/2 year old and T-minus six weeks on our second…)
I agree with annonymous! To everyone stop drumming up friendships if you plan to conceive. Otherwise be human & communicate stop using your children as a fog screen!
Lol, this post is so true.
Does anybody remember what humor is?? It's a funny blog, people! Not an advice column. GEEZ!
To those who think he is not doing a great job at raising his kids, read the post again!!! I may be reading this totally wrong (I'm a francophone, so…), but I think there is humour there and a little exageration (duhhhh!)… just enough to make it fun AND real! Seriously!!! Read again and get the 2nd, 3rd degree in there!
I loved it!
Suck it anonymous and your perspective.
if your kid is acting out past the age of 2, and not listening, and can't entertain themselves for 10 minutes while you talk…you probably didn't do a very good job of raising them. too many parents spoil their kids these days. bad kids are a reflection of bad parenting. screaming kids who throw themselves on the floor….you must have enabled and allowed this kind behavior, or encouraged it by giving them more attention when they act out. i know kids are hard, but friendships aren't easy either. friendship is a two-way street. and you have to meet in the middle. it's your choice to have kids, why are you forcing your friends to adapt to your lifestyle? just giving another perspective ;)
Wow, your kids must be:
a) perfect
b) terrified to squeeze out a fart in case they get reprimanded for social impropriety
c) you don't have kids
I second brennyg. Really…concerned minds would like to know, does
annonym-ass have a child?
I am betting its C. Does not have kids. Just a guess….
You know what? Annon, although a bit harsh, has a point. I have kids and my friends have been life long and I understand that they don't totally understand…and the ones that get it don't care that I have to do my thing with the kids while hanging out with them – and I go to them too. It's exhausting but the thing is, when my 2 and 3 year old are in school and life calms, I am going to need them and want them around. So to guarantee that, you have to try to maintain your friendships as well. It's not the same; and my family and kids come first, but make the effort for the ones you hold dear as best you can…your friends are worth it, too. I chose my life. They chose theirs. Let's all try to compromise.
I was thinking the same thing as anonymous as I read this column. Don't get me wrong, I think it is great. Especially to hear the realities of family life from a man. But my kids know that they are to behave ESPECIALLY when company is over. They would never throw a fit if they had to wait for their hot dogs. I think he is just trying to express that his kids aren't perfect, life isn't perfect, but he wants his friends to ride along with him. Way to go… ;)
Mother of 2 with twins on the way….
That's why you're anonymous, chicken shit.
First and foremost, this is a light-hearted and humorous blog. To take everything said literally is brainless and proves you lack a sense of humor.
Secondly, anyone that would vocalize criticism toward a hands-on, loving parent has got serious self-rightous-inflated-ego-god-complex issues. It's one thing to personally disagree. But to actually write down that sort of judgmental, hateful BS is pathetic. Children are people. And as such, each one is unique in personality and demeanor. Unless you regularly spent significant time with a
family in their home, you have absolutely no clue about what's going on and if
their parenting is effective or not.
It's time to climb down from your high horse and reflect upon the reasons that make you think it's OK to look down your nose at fellow human beings.
GET A LIFE! The, have a nice day :)
Jason fantastic description of life with little children. My wife and I have 3.5 year old twins so we have seen our fair share of freaking out and demands for juice. We were in the same boat of being unable to have children – and one of the fertility experts told us to stop trying to have children naturally and do whatever we decided to do to have them another way. The delivery was cold and callous but it was what we needed to hear. Please don't take your post down because of what someone else might think – there will always be someone sensitive or offended. It's your damn blog they don't have to read it if they don't want to. BTW there is a book called "Go the F**k to Sleep" that you might appreciate available online (if you haven't read it already).
Jason,
I have to say you captured life as a parent very well. I dont have many friends anymore and even less without friends. I tried hard to keep them close but many left and the few that stayed, well they dont come around as often. Its because of this. There is always a kid needing something, wanting in on the conversation, needing a show turned on, a diaper changed.
At the end of the day it is so worth it because some day our kids wont want us around anymore.
The best wishes from,
The sanest mom on the block
A few things…
Jason: YOU ARE AWESOME! I found your blog through FB & started reading from the beginning. It never fails to give me some giggles…sometimes even some full on snorts & belly laughs. Please never stop sharing your realistic views on life as a family man. Everyone may not like what you say, but they should be able to appreciate your honesty.
This post: As a single mom of a 9 yo girl, I completely, 100% get this! I was 20 when I had her & lost quite a few friends that just didn't understand why my partying days had come to a standstill. Then they had kids & suddenly their eyes were opened wide. Not all of my childless friends were like that, I even had some that would babysit so that I could have a little time to myself & I loved them for it.
JuJu: Seriously?? Using the F-bomb is not a sign of ignorance, or godlessness. Its more a sign of being human. Only Jesus was perfect…get over yourself.
That's my piece…Jason, keep up the good work :)
I can understand how someone might be put off by this post if they don't have kids and want them. But I do feel like friends without kids don't really understand why all the above things Jason mentioned are true. I'll never forget when friends of ours were the first to have kids and it felt like they didn't care about us anymore. I was tired of having conversations constantly interrupted by little ones and only be resumed ON TOPIC about 15% of the time afterwards. Now, with 3 little ones of my own, I get it. So I appreciate this piece. Glad you put it back up!
I don't feel like this post in any way sounds like you are complaining about having kids just stating that your priorities have changed. And they should change. Family comes first. I not only get this from my childless friends, but also from my "every other weekend friends." Every time their kids go to the Dad's house they think I should get a sitter and party all weekend with them. They get upset and take it personal if I don't do it everytime.
Wow, can't believe this post got such angry comments. Just wow, it's a blog done by someome, who is funny, and to make parenting easier, turns frustrating things into funny things. I try to do that as well. Some people take life WAY to seriously. Parenting changes your life and we each deal with it in different ways, but some things are universal. Like the leaving your friend in the middle of a sentence because your child needs something, and no one gets offended is priceless. We each do things differently and to tell someone what they are doing is wrong, or their choice of language is wrong, well I say that is wrong, and what goes in a blog, may not be actually what is said to or near a child.
Word.
I am glad you decided to put it back it gives others like me the chance to read what we have so many times thought in our own head and likely felt a bit too selfish to actually say out loud. Like the rest of those people wouldn't get it and those parents who have it pretty figured out don't get why some of us are "an Hour Late for Coffee". A friend of mine shared this blog a while back and when I get a minute to read I like to browse your blog. It's like affirmation therapy. My husband has now asked me more than once what I was reading and laughing so hard at. After hearing the first one a while back now when he hears me laughing he says "Read it to me, I want to hear this". Keep up the blogs and I love how I relate to your inspirations.
Too flippin funny. Flippin is my new substitute for fucking to help curb my toddler from mimicking. This post was spot on. If you don't have kids and you can't assimilate then read something else. It's not being ungrateful for the children we have. It's what I call "realist parenting". . Babies and kids no matter how precious they are, are NOT rainbows, unicorns and gumdrops all day long. And anybody who alludes to such is LYING!! after all they are pint sized humans not perfect machines. I fondly refer to my little daughter "stupid baby" when she is being fresh, it doesn't mean I love her any less. Thank you for this post , might I suggest you read the book "Go to Fuck to Sleep". You would chuckle at it's similar realist view.
I just puked in my own mouth. Are you effin SHITTING ME???? Please. You sound like your kids are spoiled brats. My children know that adult time has boundries and they respect our "adult" time with our good friends. For heaven sakes, chill the eff out and learn how to enjoy your kids AND your friends. please.
His kids were one and three when he wrote this. Also, it's a humour piece.
Susan,
Comments like yours are why electronic "communication" gets such a bad rap. Why would you write something like this? What purpose does it serve? Do you move through life making comments like this to people face to face?
Susan,
Really? Wow! How quick you are to blow this way out of proportion! It is obvious that he is putting a funny spin on being a parent. I am sure that most parents with a sense of humor, (which should be one of the requirements to be a parent) can laugh and relate in some way to what he is saying. I know myself and a lot of my friends can and we love our children more than anything. We would not change our lives and don't think our kids are brats. We just live in a realistic world where kids know that our lives revolve around them and they expect nothing different. Maybe you need to work on developing your sense of humor and if you can't, at least refrain from your negative comments and move on to another blog which will fit your sense of humor or lack there of.
Methinks Susan has an anger problem.
Right on, Ali. A one year old and a three year old need their parents a lot; that is normal, not "spoiled". If you want your kids to talk to you when they're teens, you need to establish yourself as a rock of security in those early years by playing and interacting with them TONS. Yes, that means less martinis with your pals but to some of us, it seems like a worthwhile tradeoff.
Wow Susan really … i just puked in my mouth a little because of how rude you are
1st some parents spoil their kids thats not any of your buisness as to how they raise their kids ..they would probably look at you and say you neglect your kids every one has different parenting ways and to each parent their own
2nd jason i know exactly how you feel im 19 and have a 15month old son and sometimes i think he was sent to this planet just to destroy my social life and ruin my stuff …me being only a whopping 19 ..85% of my friends have been lost but the 15% of friends that i still have are absolutly amazing..they will babysit for me so i can go out for a night or just even sleep in for once so the friendship thing is a hard task to tackle with little kids and just so you know sometimes your blogs are the only thing that get me through the day
Clearly Susan does not have kids. A 1 year old and a 3 year old expected to do what she suggests….. Laughable.
This piece exactly communicates what it’s like to have kids. With humor and compassion toward both the kids and the friends. Chill, people.
The reality of "Being" a parent, not just of having a kid or several, but of seriously "Being" a parent… it is such a personal thing, To know that in your heart and soul that your heart and soul no longer belong exclusively to you or to your base desires, to your girlfriend/boyfriend, but to that Possibility that looks up at you with hope and blind acceptance, to set aside your immediate need for self gratification and joy-of-the-moment in order to ensure that this little slice of your genetic code has a roof over its head, and is fed on a regular basis, and has a Base, a firm, well established and incontrovertibly solid base of Love to depend on…. That's a difficult thing. But in the BIG PICTURE it is the thing that separates just being a "dad" from being "Dad".
I was not a "good father" for my Daughter. I could have done better. But I was always a good "Dad", and still am.
34 years later.
Because, it's not ever about "Me"… it is and has always been something much more important… the undefinable in your child's eye, the lack of fear while dealing with the fear…
The know of not knowing…
TPM.
Very well said. Thanks for sharing. Loved it.
So… At, like 48 years old, I got my oldest kid graduated from high school. Three months later I met my current wife. She'd just adopted two kids, ages 3 and 4. WTF was I thinking? I, ever so briefly, experienced that freedom of childlessness and…. Suddenly Jason's post is relevant again. Jesus.
JuJu is a fucking fuck face. Fuck Shit poop.
you are too funny
(mom of a 3 month old) What I *love* most is when you finally feed & change the baby, put on warm clothes, dress yourself, brush your hair, brush your teeth, put baby into the car seat, realize baby is wet again and do another diaper change, get you & baby into the car, realize you forgot the diaper change pad, go back in the house & grab it, then finally meet your friend for coffee and they wonder why you're ten minutes late. Seriously??
Ten minutes????? More like an hour and a half. If you're only running 10 minutes late for things then you're doing GREAT!! And if your friends are riding you for THAT? Well, a cool glass of water in the face might cool them off.
Xo
hang in there Mama!
I just want to let you know this just about brought me to tears. Not sad tears… the tears that start with "OH MY GOD, SOMEONE GOT IT AND PUT IT INTO WORDS" *cries*.
Also, the same thing happened to my husband and I when we got married, but on a much smaller scale.
Thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU, so so much.
Melody, I came here to post the same thing. I've got tears brewing. Not sad tears, but tears of YOU GET ME. This is a wonderful post.
As an infertile couple I have had it up to here with parents asking for sympathy, pity, whatever for… well, everything. Just suck it up like we do. Obviously this is Jason's blog and it is a good post, but a "friend" had to put it up on Facebook which doubles as "ohmygodmykidsaresoamazing-shitihatebeingamom/dad book." and so, being unable to bitch openly on the FB I'm putting it down here.
Anonymous, That's exactly why I ask people to consider that when sharing it. I actually took the post down for a while because I felt it was a bit snotty, especially to people who want kids but can't have them. Please feel free to bitch here, openly, as much as you like :)
Jason
Thanks Jason. You're a pretty cool guy, and your point about tots being handy for beer runs is spot on!
Jason, thank you for that sensitivity.
As the friend without children, your post certainly reflects accurately how I feel I fit in the world of my friends post their children.
At the same time, what is missing here is the other perspective, of how it feels to be that friend.
I am not childless by choice, I am childless my very painful circumstance. I have helped my friends through all of the joys and difficulties of finding a partner, relationship troubles, pregnancy discomfort and worries, babysat newborns, played with toddlers ad infinitim. I have tried my very hardest to come halfway, more than halfway.
But even in the midst of very serious life crises, deaths of a parent, relationship breakdown etc. my parent friends have frequently not even been able to find time for a 10 minute conversation to ask how I am doing, not even when I have trekked an hour across the city to see them and am sitting right there.
Psychologically, I am just at the point of checking out of these friendships. As much as I love my friends, these are not friendships anymore, they are just me offering practical support and sympathizing with them about the challenges of their lives. I gave them all when they were trying to get their lives together, but they got there first, and now I need the same, they are unable to do that, not even in a small way, for me.
I really do see the pressures parents are under, I see it all around me and I feel for them. I am not sure how I would cope under the same circumstances, and I am sure they do not intend for their lifelong friendships to be the casualty of parenthood.
But that does not make it any less sad for me and does not make it any easier for me to grieve the loss of the people, my formerly closest friends, who were once extremely important in my life. Not only have I lost the opportunity for a family of my own, I lose my dear friendships and am left with no one. That is an incredible lonely place to be, to watch the life of others pass you by and feel incrementally excluded on all levels.
There must be a better way to help friendships last through these difficult years. But it takes a willingness on both sides, for both sides to see the others perspective, not just the childless friends. That is the message that is missing in the original post. Parents need friends too, and will need them long after their children grow up.
Please parents find a way not to become too inward looking. When life with small children is all too much, even a simple acknowledgement that you love your friends and that you know have been unable to be there for them as much as you would have liked will go a long way.
There is a post on another site which I think captures the pain of being the friend quite beautifully – http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/blog/guest-post-…
Yes. This is exactly what I wanted to say. We have been trying for two years, and my friend who got pregnant her second month of trying posted this on Facebook. I can appreciate the sentiment, but it still hurts.
Anonymous, I feel what you're going through, We were a married couple without kids for 15 years and it hurt, it hurt a lot, all our brothers and sisters becoming parents, all our friends becoming parents until we decided to welcome their children and accept the fact that that we wouldn't have one. We also decided to let a child with poor opportunities share in the love and richess we have. Almost 20 years ago we adopted a son from Sri Lanka and a few years later another son from India and we are a very happy family. Our sons are doing very well at school and we are so grateful we can celebrate our 35th anniversary today with two wonderful sons! My message for you is: it hurts but don't let it overwhelm you, decide to accept the fact and be glad for those who are blessed. Otherwise your world will become very small…
Wow, Anonymous that is some serious venom your putting out there.
I think what is being put across here is that people WANT to hang out, they are just busy. I also think if you have friends that are putting that out there on your facebook, it is NOT directed at you, you can choose to read it or not. or better yet, if they make you that angry, you can de-friend them. or unsubscribe from their feeds.
Perfect and so true! I remember in my 20's before I had kids how truly clueless I was about kids. I had NO clue how much my life would change or how much my friends with kids were dealing already being parents.
Great post!
@kathy – funny thing is though, I thought I knew what it was like too. I had no idea, you just really, really do not unless you have kids of your own. :)
Perfect! And you're right, it is the way to live for those early years, to help raise your kids to be happy and interesting :)
I like the part where he…
hold on …
you made me laugh Ben!
and Jason…perfection
keep writing
Jason-Totally bro!
And JUJU… When the FUCK do you think he has time to read Faulkner, Dickerson. Austen, Steinbeck, Hemingway, Byron, Shakespeare, and on and on? Did you read the FUCKING post?!?!!
Do you think he is a GOD fearing person! No! He fears the wrath of the INSANE FUCKIN' PISSED OFF CRAZY SHIT IN THEIR PANTS SPIT ON PEOPLE AND PUNCH YOU STRAIGHT IN THE BALLS…KIDS!!!!!!
Hi Jason,
As a father of little ones here is a suggestion. Stop using the "f" word. It is not that this word is so very bad. George Carlin said it is just letters put together, but I have discovered in my mature years that this word prevents the development of good vocabularies.. I don't hear nearly enough adjectives, or, verbs for that matter because all I hear in rambling around my town and on cable TV is the f…ing this or the f….ing that or he,she, or it f…ed up, or SHUT THE F… UP! English is a beautiful language so………..read Faulkner, Dickerson. Austen, Steinbeck, Hemingway, Byron,
Shakespeare, and on and on. Listen to their words. Who knows maybe your sweet ones will be writers when they grow up.
I don't say fuck around my kids but I write the fuck out of it. Modern times juju; it's just how people talk now.
I shall mourn the lost of adjectives next time I am in church.
Juju – It would appear that Jason is not so much lacking in vocabulary, as you are lacking in the ability to absorb an entire blog because four letters were strung together in a specific order.
I have a theory about four letter bombs, and word choice in general. I do love the English language. It is beautiful, and chaotic, and powerful. But I also love my fellow humans. So, my question when it comes to word choice is, "What is the realm of destruction?" The F-bomb above has a very little circle of destruction – so, you think he has limited vocabulary. No big deal. I think we can all live with that. Then, consider the gossip that poses itself as prayer requests lighting up the phone lines at a church. That can destroy a person's reputation and life. I can also think of examples of expletives being used to verbally bully and intimidate others, while I can also recall times in which the utterances of fellow church members have nourished my soul. There is far more going on in our beautiful language, and in the souls around us to become so hung up on a word. When Jesus dined with tax collectors and prostitutes, do you think He didn't hear foul language? Do you think He shut down everything else that was said due to a "bad word"?
In your one sentence "I shall mourn the loss of adjectives next time I am in church" has a very profound effect on others reading. That line communicates that Christians, or church-goers, are ruthlessly judgmental, and more interested in vocabulary than relationships with others. That is profoundly detrimental to our mission.
I shall mourn the loss of adjectives next time I am in church.
Of all the words in the English language fuck is the most versatile. It can be used as an adjective… Oh crap, the fucking car just caught fire! It can be used as a noun…… That fuck just stole my parking spot. Verb… Let's fuck. Or just an exclamation all to itself. Just relax, read a different blog. It's just meant to be entertaining.
Rofl!!! Sarah, that's awesome and absolutely right. "Fuck" is one of the most beautiful words I've ever learned – appropriate in sooooo many situations. Shakespeare had a bit of a dirty mind himself and Byron was a philanderer and mentally unstable. Dickerson…. did that mean Dickens or Dickinson?
Hey Juju… Go fuck yourself.
Unsure you could be any more pretentious… And for someone so widely read, you seemed to completely miss the point of the piece.
Maybe it's time you went back and re-read some Faulkner or Byron… Maybe then you might have a better understanding that occasionally you have to look past the words used, and focus on the intention of the writing.
The fact that you would overlook all of this, just to sound condescending, makes you laughable… No matter how mature your years are.
Yeah, JuJu – Go Fuck Yourself :)
Right…..Because none of those authors EVER swore…I'd love to know who the hell Dickerson is. Do you mean Dickinson? I doubt you mean that, I really doubt you stoop so low as to read women's work. Do you mean Dickens? Of the "Great Expectations," "A Christmas Carol," "A Tale of Two Cities," (my personal favorite) fame? Fucking douche. But of course my vocabulary must be stunted because I use the f word a LOT. I doubt it because I'm sure I'm much more well read than you are. I suggest you actually read Austen, you know, "Pride and Prejudice?" Fantastic read. Don't watch the movie either you cheating son of a bitch. Have you read much Steinbeck? I highly recommend it, he's my favorite American author. In fact I give him credit for writing the Great American Novel in "East of Eden." Beautiful book, ever single word is divine. In other words, quit being a fucking douche, acting all high and mighty when you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Fuck.
Krisr appears to enjoy the word fuck almost as much as I do.
I'm one of the youngest members in my immediate and extended family so EVERYONE had kids before I was even of marriageable age. I DO understand and a lot of my married friends don't think I would care for or even understand or be interested in "kid talk" I would love it! Don't underestimate us single people, please!
This is the bet post ever. I loved it with all my sadness.
I feel this way even though I don't have kids. I'm the only one out of my friends who has a 9-5 and no, I can't go out for pizza starting at 10pm in the city. I live twenty minutes away in a nice community. We're in our mid twenties and I feel they're still acting like they're in college (six people in one house?! gah). They don't understand routine and what tired-all-the-time feels like.
exactly
I'm disappointed I didn't get to enjoy this apparently epic post. Sad times for me.
email me and I can send it to you jasonmgood at gmail.com
I thought the post was hysterical! Sorry to see it go…
NO NO NO WHY HAS IT GONE?
But this was the BEST POST EVER!!! :-(
"That is profoundly detrimental to our mission." You do sound like one of the small percente of more balanced religious people. Most that I've come to know are extremely judgemental and alienating with their beliefs and behaviour. The church girls are the ones spreading gossip in the workplace and backstabbing their friends at parties. The husbands are often rednecks that drink beer and wait for dinner to be put in front of them. But this to criticize, judge and tarnish good intentions is TAUGHT by the church, as judgement is the method of teaching western religion. This person JuJu spoke out with the absence of ability to embrace another because it's taught in these so called 'sancuaries' that unless you donate, and practice and rope others into doing the same you won't belong and you will suffer the ultimate horror, you will go to hell.
I'm proud to say I'm not going to hell, and more people than ever are learning the ability to think for themselves rather than be indoctrinated by the dogma spewed by the churches. Churches should teach community, acceptance and doing the right thing by thy neighbour, what actually teach is hate for people who are dissimilar to themselves, they teach compliance and complacency, they garner the finances and minds of the masses (of weak people) and harness a much more deeply routed and sinister intention than simple concepts in the bible.
This fellow has written a beautiful blog about everyday life, in doing so he's put his art on display for others to relate to, be entertained by, he's expressed an intimate part of himself and maybe with the intention of apology and being better understood . It's sad that this artist has been judged by someone who can't look for the good in the intention (the righteous high road) while focussing on a stylistic approach.
Churches are by definition the 'cults' of our society-meant to lead the weak of mind, lead by power hungry, rhetoric-spewing, corrupt people and negatively influencing those who choose to be lead (heart mind and soul).
Awesome blog! I can relate to everything. I wish my friends would stop pitying because I don't get out as much any more. The fulfilment from raising two happy, interesting and fulfilled little people is so much better than blowing money on a big night out.
to you-who-can't-spell-anonymous, I say you must have had kids back in the dark ages. "kids these days" indeed! I think older people can be just as narcissistic and selfish, and they are the ones who should know better. To say someone is a failure at raising his kids, for only doing his best, is wrong! Friendship IS a two way street, but it sounds like you wouldn't be meeting anyone with kids anywhere in the middle.