Day 165: Enus Ainsey’s Father’s Day

I spent the morning at Home Depot starin’ at stuff.  Then I got all bored so I called my friend Steve who’s workin’ on his Fiero in his garage and went over there and drank a shit ton a beers. His wife made nachos and wings, and I ate the shit outta those too. His kids are old but they came and hung out a little. His son is cool as shit and knows more about cars than him or I do.  I stayed there a couple hours till I got all antsy. Plus Steve’s wife was lookin’ at me all pissed off like she wanted me to leave, so I put my shirt back on and got the hell outta there.

I’m supposed to hook up with my kids at the campground picnic area at 4 and we was gonna make some hotdogs or some shit, but it’s only 1 right now and I got a decent buzz runnin’ and feel like takin’ my truck out and buyin’ some gravel and gettin’ a coffee coolatta.  I got a shit ton of gravel in my garage. I figure I’ll need it for somethin’ at some point like maybe fillin’ potholes or maybe like a coy pond. Sometimes I just get all itchy for gravel and since it’s Father’s Day, I ain’t about to hold back on stuff I wanna do. As for the coffee coolata, that shit’s delicious so don’t laugh.

After I get the gravel and the coffee coolata I’ll probably go over to the VFW and make sure my buzz don’t need fixin. My kids make me nervous so I gotta get drunk as all get out before I see ‘em. They live with their Mom and her rich ass husband up in Connecticut. They’re like a prince and princess I think . My son does that hockey game but on a horse and in grass, and my daughter makes sweaters that look like a dog ate ‘em and threw ‘em up. She sells em on a computer for a shit ton of money. I guess she’s goin’ to fashion school to study what people wear and why. Hell, I don’t know whatever.

I’ll probably get like a 12-pack of wine coolers which I can drink real fast and then get another coffee coolata in case I get too drunk Those sober you up because the coffee has caffeine in it and that’s all workin against the alcohol in the wine coolers. It’s good for balance. Sometimes I’ll drink 10 or 12 coffee coolatas in one day. There’s this one chick at the Dunkin’ Donuts who’s gives me every other one for free and tells me she likes my truck.

Anyway, happy Father’s Day and wish me luck.

Buy My Book!

Indiebound

B&N

iBooks

Amazon



Share This Post

Previous post:

Next post:

Jil! says:

I’m going through the archives on my down time at work and I’ve never been compelled to comment, even when yr blog has had me in tears laughing silently like a Disney hyena in my cubicle… but this:

“After I get the gravel and the coffee coolata I’ll probably go over to
the VFW and make sure my buzz don’t need fixin. My kids make me nervous
so I gotta get drunk as all get out before I see ‘em.”

Thank you for this, it’s my dad minus the coolata part.

Sandra S says:

I can see the sweater in my head now, perfect! Great entry!