Day 62: Pants Pants Pants

This morning I had the pleasure of recording a Blue Potatoes show. I went to a concert at 9:30AM. Sure, it was a concert for kids, coordinated so as not to interfere with any napping schedules, but no one should be required to warm up their didgeridoo before lunch. Yes, there was a didgeridoo, and yes, it sounded out of place during a face melting rendition of The Itsy Bitsy Spider.

The best thing about kid’s bands is that they’re comprised of two types of musicians; those who actually tried and eventually gave up on a real music career, and those who never cared enough about the art to even consider playing music for adults. Combining these two types of artists is toxic, because some of them are simply happy to be entertaining children, while the others are still bitter about that Bachman Turner Overdrive audition they blew in 1972. Here’s a short clip from a song I assume they call “Pants.”

The bass player clearly has that “I COULD HAVE BEEN IN FOGHAT” attitude; the keyboardist (who later busted out the didgeridoo,) probably claims to have gone to music school with Pat Methany; and the guitar player “FUCKIN’ JAMMED WITH DAVE MATTHEWS” when they were both undergrads at The University of Virginia. The leader of the group, who is clearly its happiest member, is a woman who has likely lived her whole life entertaining children and she’s great at it. So great, that she’s able to employ 3 actual musicians and force them to play a song she wrote called “Pants.” Can you see the emptiness in their eyes or was I too far away to capture it? That forlorn look into the past of what used to be a promising career in music, but has since morphed into a Verizon wireless mall kiosk job during the week, gigs at kids birthday parties on the weekends? You see it, right?

It’s the same look I have every time I do standup and there’s a bachelorette party in the audience.

I'm a contributing writer to Parents Magazine, GQ, Psychology Today and some others. My book, "This is Ridiculous. This is Amazing: Parenthood in 71 Lists" is available here Look for two more books in 2015: "Must. Push. Buttons (Bloomsbury Kids), and an as-of-yet untitled memoir I’ve appeared on Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” and “Nick Mom’s Night Out." I live in New Jersey with my wife and two sons and enjoy making them laugh more than anyone else.

2 comments On Day 62: Pants Pants Pants

  • When I followed the link, there was a message saying that the video was deleted May 18th, 2011. Sorry not to share your pain.

  • If you are looking for kids music that doesn't make you want to pull your hair out, you should check out Matt Pryor (

    He's a local musician where I live. His kids music (The Terrible Twos) doesn't make me want to pull my hair out and I love The New Amsterdams (his adult music). I've been known (only to myself) to listen to his kids music when no kids are in the car.

    I think everything is available for download from iTunes.

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