Day 40: The Super Dork

It has begun. Silas is finding out about super heroes. His first exposure is to the Super Friends – Superman, Batman, The Flash, The Green Lantern, and Aquaman. I guess they are all DC comic book heroes, and I’m not gonna get into any kind of debate over DC vs. Marvel.  I understand this can get heated, but I’m not 42, bearded, and drinking a wine cooler with other 40 year old bearded men who enjoy arguing about their childhoods. Actually, that’s not true at all, replace comic books with 80’s hair metal, and I’m totally down for a wine cooler fueled argument that ends in a pillow fight.

The last few nights at bedtime, I’ve been reading Silas a book about the Super Friends he received as a gift at a birthday party (note to self: blog about kid’s birthday parties tomorrow.)  Superman is taken captive by some kryptonite robot which he’s apparently allergic to or something so he can’t just kick his ass. Somehow he’s able to alert the Super Friends who have to come from all over to help him. The Green Lantern even came from outer space! Lots of criminal masterminds on the moon apparently. So they all get together to kick this robot’s ass, when all they really needed was one decent wizard to cast a rusting spell with his +7 potion of…. nevermind.

Here’s what all the Super Friends do to bring down this Robot. Batman gets on his Batcycle, takes a big chain and wraps it around the legs of the robot to immobilize him. Not very super, but ok. The Green Lantern does something cool with his ring, like blinds the robot with a green light ray or something. The Flash runs really fast up the robot and removes a bunch of bolts from his arm. Pretty sweet. Here’s the best one though: Aquaman opens a fire hydrant and squirts some water on the robot. REALLY? How awful are you on land, Aquaman? Couldn’t one of the OTHER Super Friends have just taken that big wrench and loosened it themselves? This was really more a job for Fireman Sam than Aquaman, wasn’t it? I bet the whole time Aquaman was workin’ that fire hydrant he was yelling, “Guys, if this shit was going down underwater, I would totally be the man. Seriously, like if there was a lobster that stole a coin from a sand castle, or like maybe a jelly fish stung a manatee.. or…. Come on guys, I’m awesome. I have gills!

I guess it’s really just a children’s story attempting to show that no matter what, ANYONE can contribute to solving a problem as long as we all work together. Kumba ya, ya’ll.

I'm a contributing writer to Parents Magazine, GQ, Psychology Today and some others. My book, "This is Ridiculous. This is Amazing: Parenthood in 71 Lists" is available here Look for two more books in 2015: "Must. Push. Buttons (Bloomsbury Kids), and an as-of-yet untitled memoir I’ve appeared on Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” and “Nick Mom’s Night Out." I live in New Jersey with my wife and two sons and enjoy making them laugh more than anyone else.

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